Speaking to your friends and family about your issues is not a form of counselling or therapy

WHEN someone is faced with a mental illness or they’re mentally/emotionally unable to make rational decisions, many of us would like to be empathic and step in to help. Many persons would like to lend a helping hand to those in need, especially if they’re closely related. I’m glad the virtue of compassion is alive and well, but with that said, many people are not mentally prepared to have these emotional conversations that surround mental health when someone needs help. I can understand that you’d want to help your friends, but always refer them directly to a professional. Take them yourself if you have to, but DO NOT take on the responsibility of having these conversations if you’re not prepared to.

If you enjoy helping a friend or feel you have no other choice but to help, you should not. Do not take on the responsibility of guiding someone through mental health challenges and illnesses for one simple reason—you’re not a professional. Of course, this piece of advice does not apply to academically qualified persons in the field of mental health, such as psychologists, social workers or psychiatrists. This is applicable to the concerned friends and family of someone who “advises” or “guides” someone in need of professional help. This is also applicable to persons who are “practising” counselling and rehabilitation without the relevant qualifications as “backings.” I understand that in many of these cases the help offered comes from a place of good intentions, but believe me when I say it can possibly do more harm than good.

I know that some people may also be hesitant to receive professional help because of personal reasons. Perhaps, they attended counselling with a professional and it didn’t seem to help or they know of someone who has unpleasant stories to share about counsellors. Nonetheless, suppose you’re genuinely interested in helping said individuals. In that case, you can help them by enlightening them on why professional counselling or intervention is necessary, on safe intervention sites they can visit or who they can talk to if they’re in need of help. We should have faith in our mental health doctors and professionals, similar to what we have in our physical health doctors and professionals. If everyone could’ve been a therapist, there wouldn’t have been a need for academic, social work and psychology programmes.

The majority of us mainly trust our friends and family to allow us to be more comfortable with them to express ourselves. With that in mind, you should also be mindful of the emotions and feelings you let onto your friends and family. Some of our loved ones may be triggered easily by our stories: they might become overly emotional and attached to your issues and they might also give you biased advice and opinions about your issue. With a professional worker, there is a professional boundary set in the initial stages of the helping process. Your counsellors are not meant to be your friends because they are there to unbiasedly and objectively help you to the best of their abilities. Maybe, you’re wondering, “so does that mean I can’t speak to my friends at all about our issues?” Of course not. You absolutely can, but in instances where the individual is showing signs of or they’re already diagnosed with severe mental illnesses such as; suicidal thoughts, depression, anxiety— you should allow a professional counsellor or therapist to guide them to a safe and better place. You can support your loved ones facing mental health challenges, check in on them and show you care for them in so many other ways, but please, do not play “fixer” when serious issues are at play—it’s for the best.

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