AS the world evolves, people become busier than ever trying to live and keep up with the demands of capitalism and everything in between. In fact, many Guyanese can no longer afford to work just one job. Many of us are burnt out because we’re constantly working, trying to stay financially and socially afloat. With that said, the more we work, the less time we have to do things for ourselves. In those small windows of free time, that is when people actually have the ability and capacity to do what they’d like to do. They may want to catch up on some Netflix shows that they were missing out on. They might want to visit their favourite clothing store to shop. They might want to even learn a new skill or two. In those moments of spending time with one’s self, some people may find that as an offensive or selfish act. This usually happens to codependent persons and/or people who do not understand personal space and boundaries.

You simply cannot give people what you do not have. If you lack the mental capacity and ability to tend to someone’s needs, conversations or queries—then don’t. Your physical availability does not equate to your mental availability. It is not humanly possible to constantly give your time away to others when you need that very time for yourself. You may need that time to heal, unpack and rejuvenate your mind. I can speak about this from personal encounters. I’m not saying you should turn away your friends and family every single time situations are difficult, or when they need your help. Rather, if you feel as if your cup is empty, find some time to refill it before giving anything else to others.

Personally, I’ve had to unlearn this type of mindset. I’ve had to learn that I can’t always be on the lookout for others, even if they won’t look out for me and my needs. I’ve had to learn that it’s better than to step back and maintain your sanity to fight another day instead of indulging in situations that drain you even more. Most importantly, I’ve had to learn that I should not feel guilty for choosing myself. It was quite the challenge to enjoy my leisure time without feeling guilty about it. I felt guilty because I chose that time to spend with myself; for myself, instead of using it to help or be with someone close to me. Accepting that guilt as your own only does more harm than good.

Yes, we’re social beings, but some of us were simply “wired” differently; we can only be social to an extent. If you’re friends with someone like me (someone who needs time away and alone to rebuild their mental health), please remember that their “alone time” should not always be taken personally. I’m not saying to allow your friend to be completely isolated, just give them time to gather their thoughts or to enjoy their free time—however they see fit. It doesn’t mean that they care less for you. If you have a problem with your friends needing “alone” time, then you should communicate that to them. However, please remember not to ask for things from people that they cannot give and we should not be upset about that either. Their lives might be busy and hectic as it is already with all of the demands of life. People can’t give you 100 percent of themselves. That is impossible. They owe themselves a few percentages, or even more—to maintain their sanity.