SOONER or later, children grow up and create their personal identity – they have their own minds, preferences and friendships – and, if raised correctly, a set of morals, values and a sense of purpose and responsibility. Children seldom accomplish these qualities by chance. They become valuable members of society due to the input from parents (including foster and adoptive), grandparents, teachers and other adults who contribute positively to their development.

However, at times young people test adults; they do things that make grown-ups see red. Could you remain level-headed under pressure? We all know about the ‘two good thumps, or two hot lashes will set them straight’ approach. But having consideration and understanding can be more beneficial than confrontation and mistreatment. Try our quiz and see how you would handle the following situations.

A) Your 19-year-old daughter says she is an adult and where she goes and who she talks to online is not your concern. Do you –
1. Confiscate her cell phone to show her who is boss?
2. Talk to her about your role as a parent and work through the problem?
3. Tell her two women can’t live under one roof and send her packing?

B) You love your 17-year-old son to the point where you ‘clean up’ behind him. But while trying to impress his friends he commits a crime. Do you –
1. Find out what strings you can pull to get him released?
2. Go to see him and tell him he is an embarrassment to the family?
3. Realise a problem needs addressing, so there’s no repeat of this behavior?

C) After being caught stealing money from his granny and lying your 11-year-old son wants to go camping with the Scouts for four days. Do you –
1. Allow him to go and punish him on his return?
2. Ban him from going on this occasion because of what he did?
3. Ask the scout master to talk some sense into him during the trip?

D) You arrive home to find 2 teenage boys in your front yard with your daughter (14) listening to music on their phones. Do you –
1. Say good day and walk pass them into the house, but scold your daughter, later with disparaging words?
2. Start yelling at your daughter about bringing ‘man’ to your house while grabbing her and pushing her inside?
3. Ask the boys’ names, introduce yourself and speak to your daughter at an appropriate time?

E) Your 14-year-old son wants to attend a concert in the National Park, but you said No, he is safer at home. He is upset as his friends are allowed to go. Do you –
1. Explain your fears to him again and stick to your decision?
2. Talk through the hazards of large crowds and why you dislike them?
3. Consider the possibility, by talking to his friends’ parents to learn more facts?

ANSWERS
A) (2) Young adults need guidance regardless of how grown up they think they are. They are still vulnerable. Try to keep a good connection but don’t allow rudeness. Be aware of their goings and comings to ensure they are safe. You don’t have to be overbearing; ask them to drop you a text when they reach their destination. Once they are under your roof, you have a right to set rules and expectations, but you must also allow them freedom. Young adults are entitled to privacy, but there’s no harm in reminding your child about the dangers that lurk online. You can remind her from time to time how others were conned or groomed by predators. You are not nagging but simply protecting them.

B) (3) When parents consistently ‘mollycoddle’ children, it gives them a false sense of entitlement. They are aware of how much their parents over-protect them and therefore feel they can get away with anything. Children indulged in this fashion become self-centered and grow with a warped sense of accountability. Instead of spoiling them, parents should prepare children gradually for adulthood by teaching them how to be independent and resilient and by allowing them to clean and maintain their own space, clothes and personal hygiene.

C) (2) It may be a harsh lesson to teach, but responsibility comes with privilege. If your child is proving to be untrustworthy, you must not overlook this trait. Highlight, discuss and work towards changing it with the child. When the behaviour improves, so do the privileges. Freedom, within reason, is granted to respectful, reliable children.

D) (3) Parents should make rules and set boundaries with their children’s input, so the family is clear on what is allowed, disallowed, and why. Children can create recommendations and expectations with parents; their valuable contributions to family regulations help them make smart life choices.

E) (3) When ‘No’ is all children hear, you are telling them you don’t care about their experiences or their pleasures and that your authority or your fears are all that matters. When children have their parents’ trust, they work harder to keep it and not let them down. At some point, parents have to bite the bullet and loosen the reins a little. A risk assessment might be necessary and due consideration paid to travel safely to and from a venue. Don’t let your parental misgivings deny children of fun and enlightening experiences. Teach them how to stay safe.
If you are concerned about the welfare of a child, call the CPA hotline on 227 0979 or write to us at childcaregy@gmail.com

A MESSAGE FROM THE CHILDCARE AND PROTECTION AGENCY,
MINISTRY OF HUMAN SERVICES AND SOCIAL SECURITY