A GUYANESE adage says, ‘A liar is a thief, and a thief is a murderer,’ but this is not necessarily true. Children tell lies as part of their normal child behaviour; it does not automatically follow that they will also steal or kill. When children lie, adults feel betrayed, angry and frustrated. They usually believe ‘licks’ and punishment are in store for the wayward child. “How dare a child try to pull a fast one on ‘big people’ as if he thinks we grown-ups born yesterday”. It is natural to feel vex when children tell lies as lying is not a commendable characteristic, but children learn this type of deceit as part of their natural development.
Even children as young as two have already begun to develop some deceptive tactics. Some experts use lie-telling to indicate that toddlers have developed a theory of mind- meaning the infant is aware of his mental state and those of others. It is an essential cognitive skill. In time the child will work out the possibility of false beliefs. No one can read minds or know the mental state of others.

As they grow and work out how other people think, children’s lies become sophisticated. They have and use more words to conjure up exactly what an adult might want to hear and imagine. They realise some lies are more effective than others and they refine their skill.
One of the main reasons children lie is to get themselves out of trouble. However, they end up in a worse situation for lying, when found out. To them, it was worth taking the risk, even if it only delays the inevitable. When children know their parents will react badly to a situation, they bend the truth or lie outright to avoid being reprimanded or worse. Other reasons children lie are to gain attention from peers or parents or get a reaction from an adult.
A three-year-old who knew not to go through her mother’s bag spied the bag on the floor next to her little chair – sparking her interest and imagination. Her mother is busy in the kitchen. What should she do?

Quite aware of her mother’s distraction, she went to the bag and took out the eyeliner. Just then, her mother asked, ‘Tina, you’re not touching mummy’s things, are you?’ The child hastily dropped the eyeliner and replied, ‘No, I’m just going to sit on the chair’. Already she is making up falsehoods to get herself out of trouble. These skills improve as children get older as added facial expressions and gestures give more effect.
Adults become exasperated when there are two or more children in a home, yet no one will own up when something is broken, removed or damaged. Someone is responsible, and yet the culprit will not step forward. Some parents leave it there, at a stalemate; they delve no deeper. They have so many things to do, time is short, and they are not able with the interrogation and lies involved in reaching the truth. They fail to get to the bottom of the incident and move on with life.

By not tackling these everyday occurrences, no matter how small, parents encourage children to be deceitful. Children should take ownership of their mistakes, accidents and shortcomings; only then will they learn to strive and rise above them. Hiding behind the fact that parents can blame someone else is dishonest. It could lead to even greater dishonesty in adulthood.
Parents can speak to children about honesty and teach them the difference between telling the truth and falsehoods. These lessons should take place when the child is old enough to understand and reiterated when necessary. Explain to children why it is better to tell the truth, and deal with the consequences – support them to do the same. Help them to understand what can happen if they lie; make honesty one of your family values.

Parents can avoid situations where children feel they need to lie. Like the 3-year-old mentioned earlier, her mother could have said, ‘I hope Tina is not troubling my bag and she is sitting on the chair like a good girl’ – thus avoiding accusatory remarks and initiating a deceitful line of defence from a child.
When a child owns up about a mishap or accident, an incident or deception, encourage and admire him for telling the truth. Sometimes telling the truth is the hardest thing for a child to do, but that is why children need to do it. Children should learn and grow with the value of this virtue rather than adopt traits of deceit and dishonesty.

Deliberate lies should be handled calmly, not dramatised and highlighted to embarrass a child. The objective is to let the child understand the spin-off from telling lies. Firstly, it makes a parent feel bad inside to know their child is lying, it also negatively affects the parent/child relationship, and lastly, it proves the child is untrustworthy. When you know your child is lying, let him know, but don’t call him a liar. Try not to ‘brand’ the child adversely before uncovering the cause behind the lie. Being a role model and talking through dishonest incidents can rectify lying behaviour.
If you are concerned about the welfare of a child, call the CPA hotline on 227 0979 or write to us at childcaregy@gmail.com
A MESSAGE FROM THE CHILDCARE AND PROTECTION AGENCY,
MINISTRY OF HUMAN SERVICES AND SOCIAL SECURITY