SOME spirits rest peacefully while others roam restlessly, searching but never finding that elusive thing that will help them to move on. A few choose to walk the line; in this case the Sideline Dam of a rural village.

The people of Breadfruit Grove were running scared. Numerous sightings of ‘jumbies’ had been spreading among the highly superstitious villagers. Many abandoned the use of both Sideline Dams, even though it would mean an extra half mile would be added to their already lengthy journeys.

Strangely enough, all the sightings were made by men and each one was of a beautiful woman. What was unusual was the different versions recounted.
One man claimed that he was approached by a black woman wearing a long elegant gown. She just smiled at him and his knees buckled. As she was about to pass him, she vanished. It took him about 15 minutes before he could get enough service out of his legs to make it to the first house in the village. There he stayed until daylight.

Another man testified that he met a white woman in a shocking mini. This blew his mind so badly, that he could not remember what colour she was wearing. He could clearly remember her shape. He called it ‘figure eight’.
An old, half blind, drunk farmer, claimed he saw a beautiful Indian girl in a sari. “She was sweeter than any film star in Bollywood. I try to talk to she but she jus drift away,” he said. The villagers didn’t blame the beautiful maiden. Rufus was not known to take too many baths.

The one that beat all the fairy tales ever told, was the one told by ‘Chinee’. His real name was Chang. He was born to a Chinese father and a Guyanese mother. Chang grew up in the church. He was a fervent Christian and the village saint.

One new moonlit night, he was heading home after a wonderful crusade. The preaching had made him feel closer to God. He hummed as he strolled for home. From out of nowhere, a beautiful woman appeared. Chang admitted that all he could do was stare, then turn away in shock. He ran home, not out of fear, but out of modesty. When asked what she was wearing, he blushed bright red and took off. The villagers couldn’t imagine what he saw that caused him such trepidation.

Vernon the ‘sageewang’ (Drinks all sorts of liquor; including rubbing alcohol and methylated spirits) was on his journey home. Sometimes he fell down on the Sideline and slept until dawn or, he would find an abandoned building and crash for the night. One night he was so drunk, that he slept on a tomb. He claimed afterwards, that it was the most peaceful sleep he had ever had.

The night in question was a full moon night. Vernon had drank and overdrank. He walked in a haphazard, zig zag, heading for home. Eventually, as he walked, he sputtered, drooled and cursed everything that he could focus on. He had one thing on his drunken mind. How come he had never met any of them women? “Boy! I got real bad luck. Why they don’t come and test me?”

Falling, staggering and vomiting, he navigated his way home on rubbery legs and tilting roads. Halfway down the road, Vernon spotted a woman ahead of him. Laughing in glee, he rushed toward her. His movement although forward was not a direct one. He started going, then he was coming. He went left, then right. Eventually, he was able to reach the stationary woman.

“AHA! At last. Long I wan fuh meet you!”
She turned and smiled broadly at Vernon. When I say broadly, I may be understating what took place. When Vernon’s eyes settled on her face, his face went from drunken smile of seduction to a sick ashen grey of revulsion. He put his head between his knees and vomited past and present. It stank.

Now Vernon was not upset because he was not old as she was. He was mature himself. It was not because she smiled. Though it split her face in half, he could live with that. It was her most prominent feature. The old creature had missed ‘The Ugliest Creature OnThe Planet’ by a near mark. She was uggly.

Her teeth were multi coloured. There was black, cream, some green and deep orange sprinkled generously around. Her breath cannot be explained in any known language. Her clothes were literally ‘out of this world’. She held and caressed poor Vernon with two scrawny bird-like hands and she cooed lovingly in his ear. He tried to break free but found that to be impossible. She embraced him close despite his valiant struggle.
Smack!

She put a wet kiss on him.
Even with the unusually high alcohol in his system, her aroma finally penetrated and hit a nerve. Vernon passed out cold and on the Sideline Dam.
Vernon woke up at home the next morning. Someone had brought him home last night. When he asked his wife, she declared; “One of yo drunken friends jus knock an leff yo outside. When I open, they gone.”

His wife was very angry with him. You see, Vernon had a number of ugly hickies all over his neck, chest and back. No matter how hard he tried to convince her, she would not buy it. “Liar!”
He sighed. “Maybe it was a lie after all. Well, next time deh.”