DESPITE the many published and spoken stories of women in abusive relationships meeting their end due to domestic violence, there continues to be more evidence of women allowing themselves to be trapped in abusive relationships for one reason or another.

Last Tuesday night, the Guyana Chronicle travelled to Uitvlugt, WCD to meet a mother of three children, respectively aged four years, 18 months and six months.
This woman has, for the past four years, been in a relationship with a man twelve years older than herself.

Twenty-five-year-old Tracy Culley, of Lot 6 Uitvulgt, West Coast Demerara, told this publication that during her four years of being with the man who operates a dredge in the interior, she has been abused every single day that he is present at home.

She divulged that of the four years of abuse, Tuesday June 24, 2014 was the first time she had reported her ordeal to the police, and that happened only after her mother and neighbours advised her that, for a young woman her age, she should not be going through the abuse she is enduring.

On Tuesday, the man she loved for four years went into one of his normal fits of rage and inflicted several cuffs, slaps and kicks on her within the community. She told this reporter that it all started when he came home after leaving their home at 19:00 hrs on Monday night, telling her he would return shortly but he never returned until 11:00hrs the following morning.

When the man came home, she asked him if that is the way he does things, and how he could remain out all night, knowing that he left her home with the children with nothing to eat. By the time she was finished making that statement, she was dealt one cuff to the face, and the beating began.

So severe was the beating that she ran outside of the house, leaving her children behind; but the man sprinted behind her and proceeded to beat her on the road.
Tracy said her eldest child does not live with her, but when she was being abused by the father of her children, the 18-month-old child attempted to prevent her father from hitting her mother by blocking her mother from the punches and slaps that the father was dishing out in the house.

During the fight, Tracy said, she picked up a knife, and the man (she was very reluctant to name him) pulled the knife out of her hand, slashing her palm in the process. The man also proceeded to smash up a plasma television and other items which he had bought for the house.

She said she does attempt to fight back, but knows she could never overpower the man, who is older and stronger than she is.

The Guyana Chronicle was told that residents made several calls to the police while the beating was progressing in the streets, but the police retorted that there was no vehicle at the moment to respond to the report.

The woman said that after she had been severely trashed, the abusive man packed up his things and went back to the interior immediately. She told this newspaper that each time there is another woman in the picture; she is subject to abuse by the man.

Asked why she remains in the relationship after already enduring four years of abuse, Tracy’s immediate response was “When you have children, you have to stay you have to make decisions for your children.”

She was asked whether she had considered the many reports and stories of women losing their lives at the hands of abusers, and she said that she stays in the relationship for many reasons, among them being because of her children.

She also believes that one day the man might stop abusing her.

She was also asked about her reason for not ever reporting the incidents of abuse prior to Tuesday’s beating, and she responded with tears in her eyes, saying: “You know what it is to be living in a relationship for four years and is only abuse? You know what it is to put a man in jail who you have been loving for four years? How do you leave a man that gives you everything?”

The woman said that fighting was their only activity for the four years of their being together; and that after each round of beating, the man would apologise to her and promise that it would not happen again, and she believes him every time.

Asked why she does not go back to the comfort of her mother’s home, where she can be safe, her story was even more touching. The young mother responded, “When you have loving parents, you could go back to your mother’s house; if your parents are not loving, you cannot go back.”

Explaining, Tracy said that her father does not live with her mother, and she does not know where he is. She said that there were times when she wanted to leave the relationship amidst the abuse and bruises she sustained, but was encouraged to endure by no less a person than her mother, who told her that every relationship has its ‘ups and downs’.

Questioned intensely about her mother’s decision to encourage her daughter to stay in a relationship which is abusive and which has the potential to have her killed, Tracy related that her mother was among several other family members who encouraged her to stay in the abusive relationship since they benefit materially from the abuser.

Maintaining that she will not mention the name of the man who has been abusing her for four years, the young mother said that, through this relationship, her family would receive items from the man, given his financial standing.
Tracy said she had opted out of the relationship on two occasions, and each time her mother, who also benefits from the man, was the leading encouragement for her to return to the man. She said that when she left and returned to her mother’s house, her mother sent her back to the arms of the abuser.

The man, described as “a possessive individual” does not allow her to have a cell phone; and her mother, who lives a few corners from her, is the person through whom her friends and other persons can make contact with her.

She told the Chronicle that had she had loving parents and a loving mother, her mother’s home would always remain open to her for refuge in any situation, but that is not the case.
She advised women and young girls who are in relationships to get out while it is still early, and not allow themselves to be pinned down by material things, since all that glitters is not gold.
Written By Leroy Smith