HOW do I get my ex back? We were together four years and broke up in January because I stole money from her for the second time. We owned a house together, and I stole money from the account and gambled it. She forgave me and said if I did it again, it’s over. We sold the house and rented together; then, two years later, I stole $5,000 from her account and gambled it away. She told me to move out and texted me asking why I ruined her life and future. She asked if I got help yet. I said I didn’t need help.
A month after we broke up, she kept messaging me every other day wanting answers I could not give. She wanted to have coffee and a talk. A couple of months later, I realized what I lost. I messaged her saying how sorry I was, but she didn’t want to talk.
I went round to her house and cried, and she said she didn’t care. She told me we couldn’t be together romantically again. Maybe friends one day, she said, but not now. I sent flowers to her work and wrote her letters.
Then she sent a text saying, “I know it hurts to hear, but I don’t see us ever being together again. Too much has happened. Thanks for saying sorry, but I can’t be what you want.” I rang her crying. She told me to stop texting and calling. Forever.
When I kept texting, she said she would get legal advice on how to make me stop. I messaged her about the money I owe her. She replied asking me to pay. I asked if I could see our cat or look after it. She said no.
It’s been two weeks since I contacted her. What should I do? Please? How long do I wait for her to contact me? Or, do I make the first move? I really love her, and have gotten help for my gambling problem.
Duane

Duane,
When people don’t get punished for bad acts, they don’t learn anything, and they don’t change. That’s why you were able to victimize your girlfriend a second time. You never paid the price for stealing from her, so you didn’t learn anything, and you didn’t change.
You can’t admit why you ruined her life. You wanted the thrill of gambling. You didn’t have money; she did. So you stole. You decided gambling was more important than she is. Twice you threw away her feelings, her trust in you, and her money. You say you won’t do it again, but you will, until you pay the price.
A growing body of research shows when people are not punished, when they are ‘forgiven’, their behaviour actually grows worse.
People at casinos are trained to act like gamblers are important, but you are not important to them; only your money is. Casinos don’t love winners; they love losers. They love people who don’t understand probability and the odds. Like strip clubs, casinos promise something they have no intention of delivering.
Your girlfriend is humiliated by the fact you stole from her twice. You permanently injured her. Why are you clinging to her? Likely you have no one else you can take advantage of.
You don’t care about her; you care about yourself. You’ve proven yourself a liar and a thief. You’ve bitten her twice; she doesn’t need another bite. Go away!
There is only one way to show you learned your lesson: You move on and don’t ask anything more of her again. When you ask for more from her or demand forgiveness, you demonstrate you are today as selfish as you were before.
Let her heal and put her life together. If you want a fresh start, prove yourself to another woman; a woman whose psyche and confidence you haven’t yet destroyed.
Wayne & Tamara