I’VE been reading your column awhile and have gotten the impression that if a significant other doesn’t want to marry their loved one, then it might not be true love, and the other person should move on. Is that impression correct? The reason this question is important is I am very lonely, and would love to have a serious relationship with a good man, but I’ve had two abusive marriages and don’t see myself going that route again.
I am concerned if a man falls in love with me and asks me to marry him, but I would rather not marry again. Would that have to be a deal breaker for him? Would you advise him to move on; that I don’t really love him?
Please, this is not sarcasm or anything; I am trying to work out for myself what I have to offer, and whether I should give up on relationships altogether, unless I feel I am ready to marry again, if ever.
Brandi

Brandi,
Every now and then there are newspaper articles about a snake coming out of someone’s toilet or bathtub. It strikes most of us as bizarre and possibly even funny. But if you have been bitten by a snake recently, you’re going to think twice every time you sit on the commode or take a bath.
An old saying claims, once bitten, twice shy. In your case, you are twice bitten and four times shy. That’s understandable. If we allowed for every contingency in writing the column, the first sentence of our answer would be followed by four paragraphs of exceptions, contingencies, unforeseen events and exclusions.
Of all the toilets that could be picked, you sat on two with snakes in them. Most plumbing doesn’t have snakes, so why did you do it? You’ve tied our hands with a bit of a twist, because we don’t know if you would date a good man, only until a bad man comes along.
Do you understand your past motivation? Would you be drawn to a good man? If you answer is ‘yes’ to both questions, there is nothing to worry about. With the right man, things will work out naturally.
And yes, we answer many more letters privately than we do in the column, but we cannot answer every letter because there simply isn’t time.
Wayne & Tamara