I AM A divorced woman, 38, involved with a man, 26. It started quite innocently when my slip was showing in the office, and he said, “The flag is at half-mast again.” After a couple of days, I asked what he meant. He became all embarrassed and said it means your slip is showing below your dress. So after this, I would ask before leaving the office at lunchtime or in the evening if my slip was showing. I loved to watch him get embarrassed as he told me it was.

Then I would feel for the elastic waistband through my dress, attempt to pull it up, and ask him if it was okay. I could tell he was excited; it made me feel good to attract the attention of a much younger man, and it boosted my ego.

One evening he asked if I would go out with him for a meal. I accepted, and teased him by asking about my slip when I got out of the car and when we left the restaurant. Each time, I made the necessary adjustments.

From this point, it developed into a relationship which I feel quite guilty about. Half of me says go buy some shorter slips and stop teasing him; the other half says keep teasing him and enjoy the moment.

Twelve years is quite an age difference, and I don’t wish to hurt his feelings. Is he attracted by me or by my slip? That’s the question. Perhaps the lesson I am learning is not to flirt in the office or tease.

Vicki,
The famous striptease artist, Gypsy Rose Lee said, “If a thing is worth doing, it’s worth doing slowly…very slowly.”

Many young men can be captured by sex, and many young men confuse sex and love. You are working this young man up in an exquisitely slow fashion. Though he is well into his 20s, he seems to have a naive, innocent quality. You could see this as a lark, and he could see it as capturing the attention of a mature woman.

His response to your dalliance makes you feel empowered; it makes you feel pretty. You could stop it, but it feels so good to play with him. The downside is there is no value in enticing someone you aren’t interested in, and no value if his interest is only skin-deep.

Gypsy Rose Lee never fully disrobed on stage, and the final message to her audience was: “You can’t have me.” Have a talk with yourself, then have a talk with him. If you decide this relationship is going nowhere, give him the “you’re a great person, but” speech. Make it clear the matter is not open to discussion. And buy a shorter slip.

Mismatch
I DON’T know how or even if I should talk to my boyfriend about his low libido. We live about three hours apart. He rejects me all the time. He is not mean about it; he’s just not very interested in sex. It drives me absolutely crazy. I feel completely unsatisfied sexually, but I love him very much.

He is finishing art school next year, and in six months, his school will be placing him with employers. If he chooses to work somewhere close to me, which he plans on doing, he will be giving up much better job offers elsewhere. I feel I have an obligation to make or break this relationship soon before he makes this decision.

Abby,
One problem with how our minds work is that we prefer present availability over long-term rewards. We think a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush when we should realize an acorn never grows into a pine.

You know what the answer is. Your boyfriend may be a great guy, but he’s a great guy for someone else.