Just because you are in recovery, determined to be a good person, doesn’t mean you will only run into good people. The world will still be what the world is. When you are a giver and give too much, you attract takers.
Have you ever wondered why some philanthropists want to remain anonymous? They know from experience if their names were known there would be hundreds outside their door with a handout, saying: ‘Why not me?’ So their good deed becomes a hundred not-good deeds. ‘Because I gave to one, I became a villain to a hundred.’
Givers have to be careful about giving. With your wife’s background, you had reason to fear what might happen. Generosity fed her badness.
It is good to be angry when anger is justified, because anger is the emotion which protects us from harm. But your focus now has to be on the future. Vengeance keeps you tied to her, and you need to break all ties, or you will continue to live in the past.
One way to deal with your feelings is to remove yourself entirely from her orbit so there can be no benefit to her: No contact; no link; no trace. Sometimes the best solution for a bad situation is complete, total escape.
Recovery changes you, but it doesn’t change the world.
Hanging out with alcoholics and addicts keeps dragging you back into drama. The more you are around people whose lives are in disorder, the more you are tweaking temptation in ways which don’t need to be tweaked.
Give only to those worthy of your gifts; love only those worthy of your love. Don’t let one bad experience knock you off the path you have chosen.