Kreative Korner…
Part I, which was published on May 9, ended with Matt confessing to Annie that he was gay and had been having an affair with Andrew for over a year, and with Annie assuring him that it was alright, and that his little indiscretion or his being gay was not going to sour their relationship. GAY MEN are just as diverse as straight men. There are no mannerisms, music or clothing preferences that can define a person as gay. When many people think about gay men, they automatically associate them with certain stereotypes and generalizations, such as feminine behaviour or a certain type of clothing.

“For every gay man that fits that stereotype, there is another that does not.”

The words of impassioned grief struggled off my tongue as I confessed to her my darkest secret.

I, Matthew Munroe, 28, am gay.

I had to tell her.

It was one of those times when my heart overruled my head. I could not bear to see her — simple, sweet, beautiful Annie Marvin — in pain.

I had gone to her place that night. I knew her schedule, so was able to get there just after she got home.

She loved me. I knew that as well as I knew that the earth was round.

I had seen it in her face the day she walked in on me and Andrew, an old flame, at my apartment. She had not seen Andrew, but she knew someone was there. I heard the pain in every jerky word she uttered, when, hastily pulling on a robe, I faced her.

More than anything, I felt it in the silence that descended between us days later.

In the many weeks we’d been together, we shared something special, which was why I needed to tell her the truth.

“We need to talk, Annie.”

“About what? How I made a complete fool of myself, barging in on you when you were making love to another woman…Or was there something else?” she said sarcastically.

“Annie, do not act like this. I am sorry, and I should have said this before.”

“Was it after that night at Mario’s? Was it then that you got together with her?”

“Something happened after we got pizza at Mario’s that night, but it is not what you think.”

“Not what I think! How the hell do you know what I am thinking!!!”

“Annie, I am sorry; I never meant for you to get hurt, but this is hard for me. Just let me explain…”

“No! It is quite alright; you don’t have to explain anything; just go. This is my fault, anyway; it was my misunderstanding, and I am sorry.”

“Annie, I love you; you know that, but just as a friend…There is…There is someone else in my life.”

“I know, so now, just please go and save me the pity party.”

“Annie… I’m gay! There is no other woman! It is not Shelly and me you walked in on; it was Andrew!”

The resonance of my revelation obviously did more than startle her. And the pain; the pain was there, visible again. The heartbreak looked out of her eyes.

“Annie, please, say something.”

“I didn’t know…How?”

“Andrew and I were together for a year. His work moved, so he had to go too. When I saw him at Mario’s…Annie I am sorry.”

“Don’t be,” she said.

It was uncanny how simply she said it.

“Don’t be.”

This stranger whom I crashed my bicycle into one afternoon meant something more to me in just an instant.

One encounter with a stranger, and now…

In the weeks that followed, Annie was very understanding, letting me know she was there for me; reaffirming our friendship.

Now that Annie and I saw each other more clearly, we were closer than ever, which was why I invited her to dinner with me and Andrew one night.

“Andrew, this is Annie. Annie, Andrew.”

“Hello Annie; I remember you from Mario’s.”

“Nice to see you again, Andrew.”

The moments of silence that followed were awkward, but I tried my best to move the conversation along… And what a task that was!

An hour later, we dropped Annie home, but the silence continued.

“Matt, what is wrong?”

“Nothing…You know; you could have been a little nice; you could have tried to have fun tonight.”

“Why? I didn’t want to. You were the one that insisted on brining her along. I would have much rather have it just be us. You are the one that wants to announce everything to the world.”

“What! Is that what this is about! You don’t want to be recognized as a gay man with your partner!”

“Come on, Matt, you know that is not what this is about.”

“Isn’t it? You know, Andrew, we had this conversation before. I am ready to stop living a lie. When will you be? This is who we are. When will you be ready to accept that?”

There was no answer, and when I left Andrew at his place, there still was none.

Upset, I turned the car around.

Drinking myself into oblivion seemed like the best way to go.

Somehow though, I ended up afterwards at Annie’s.

“Matt! It’s late! What’s wrong! And you’re drunk!”

“Wrong? Nothing is wrong. Everything is right…right… Everything, except being me.”

“What? Matt get in, and sit down!”

“No!”

Annie caught me as I stumbled and led me to the couch.

“Annie, do you love me?”

“What! Matt… ”

I took her face in my hands, and saw the answer there as plain as day.

“You do love me,” I said.

Kissing her somehow came naturally, and when she kissed me back, we just let the natural course of things have its way.

The morning, however, was a much different story.

The early morning sunlight pierced my eyelids. The pounding in my head did nothing to help the early morning interference. Soon enough, I was getting up, only to fall back to earth.

Peacefully asleep with the covers slipping, exposing a naked breast, was Annie, my sweet Annie – tousled hair and all.

“God! What did I do!”

Cursing my stupidity under my breath, I slipped out of bed quietly, for fear of waking her.

Getting dressed, I walked over to her and planted a kiss on her forehead.

“My sweet, sweet Annie,” I whispered.

The solitude I sentenced myself to did nothing for me.

I worried for Annie and the confusion she might be dealing with, but my own confusion was much more overwhelming, and self-interest screamed aloud.

Of course, Annie, being Annie, found me after three days.

“I only gave you this long so you could figure things out,” she said when I answered the door.

I laughed.

“I bet you had some figuring out to do, too,” I said, and regretted it the same instant.

That look, that hurt kind of look, was on her face.

I sighed. “Annie, I am sorry… About that night…”

“Don’t! I could have stopped it if I wanted to, and I did not. It is over, and I don’t regret it. What we shared was special, and it is really confusing, yes, but it was ours.”

I guess the look on my face told her something, because she turned away.

“I was being selfish, wasn’t I, Matt?”

“What? No, Annie. I kind of remember me starting this… It is going to be alright; I am going to be alright. I just have to figure out where I am right now.”

She hugged me then, and in her embrace, I got lost in my thoughts.

I did not understand my feelings; I did not want to hurt anyone. I am angry because of this confusion, and frustrated as to how oth
ers would perceive my sexual orientation.

At this point, I already realised I screwed up.

Now I saw that his being gay; being open about his being gay, will change entire lives.

It will change everything… including the relationships I depended on.

Coming out would be very difficult indeed.