I MET David in a community college class about a year ago. I was a homeschooler who had gone to college early. I was 16 then; I’m now 17. He was 27, and going back to school.

It seemed pretty obvious we were attracted to each other, but neither of us said anything. I hadn’t told him my age, but I was not trying to keep it a secret either. When he eventually asked me outright, I told him honestly I was 16.

He became more brotherly and less flirty after that, but we were great friends, so things continued pretty much as before. I respected him for backing off and staying strictly friendly, but it was still hard.

After that semester, we lost touch for several months, but we’ve been talking more lately, texting back and forth every few days. We talk about getting together, but our schedules never seem to match up.

Unless I am getting this entirely wrong, we seem to have an unspoken agreement that we are both counting down until April, when I will be 18 and no longer jailbait. The thing is, I looked Online and found that in our State, 17 is the legal age of consent.

On a personal level, the age difference doesn’t matter; I’ve always been old for my age, and David doesn’t seem to mind the age difference in a friend. As far as I know, it’s just the legal part that’s the problem.

I do have a few small insecurities about the idea of a relationship between us. I am strong and fairly active, but still 10 pounds overweight due to my ‘iffy’ hormonal health, while David is a trainer/gymnast who is in perfect shape, though this doesn’t seem to matter to him.

And, of course, there is the controversial reaction we would be sure to get from others. But at the end of the day, I trust him completely, and he makes me so ridiculously happy and stress-free whenever he’s around. I really think we have a shot.

I would usually be more old-fashioned and wait for him to make the first move, but because of the age difference, I’m pretty sure I will have to say something first. David is probably hesitant because I’m so much younger, and I highly doubt he’s aware the age of consent is 17 here.

Under the circumstances, I am totally fine with being the first one to lay all my cards on the table, but how on earth am I supposed to bring this up? And on the slight chance I’m wrong about this being mutual, how do I make it clear I’m perfectly capable of staying friends without it being awkward?
Stella

Stella,
Had you gone to school with other kids, you would have learned about relationships in baby steps: You would have found someone you liked; had a boy walk you to class; passed notes to other girls; and sneaked a kiss under the bleachers.

Instead, you want to go from being a homeschooled girl under the constant control of her parents to a sexually intimate relationship with a man 11 years your senior.

More than the law is holding him back: He thinks it’s wrong; he doesn’t think you are on equal footing. Even if he were attracted to you, he knows he can’t tell his friends. Or his mom. At best, it’s a naughty secret.

If others knew about this, they would assume you are naïve, and he is taking advantage of you. In reality, you are trying to draw him across a line which is within his head and should be within the head of any man his age.

We think he is old-fashioned in a good way: He doesn’t believe in having sex with children. You need to be old-fashioned, too. Date a man you can introduce to your parents.
Wayne & Tamara