OUR journey of growth is often described as beautiful and fulfilling. It is expected to change us in the same way that a breath of fresh air changes our lungs, or in the same way that the rising sun changes the dark world. A young person is expected to step forward, or rise upwards like a green shoot bursting forth from a seed, but never move backwards or sink into the ground. Growth itself is painted as an elegant dance where the proper steps must instinctively come to us if we are simply brave enough to try.

However, human beings are multi-faceted and multi-layered. Throughout the course of our lives, we may find ourselves facing unexpected doors, coming face-to-face with parts of ourselves that we could never have believed existed. Our growth rarely takes a linear path, and it can most certainly not be described as predictable.

In fact, one crucial piece of knowledge about our youth and the growth process that we often do not hear is that it can be messy, unpredictable, and extremely uncomfortable at times. Even the most valuable traits, such as honesty, kindness, and perseverance, can waver and fracture at specific points during our lives—more so when we are young and learning to navigate the stormier parts of our journeys. We may spend all of our energy crafting a perfect identity for ourselves, only for life to place us in an impossible position where we must decide to give up or break a value that is truly important to us. These strange decisions punctuate life itself, and the time between them is spent by us attempting to unravel our true selves and determine whether it is these unexpected decisions that display our real identities or the careful steps we take in between them.

The truth is, we attempt to live as if we are Russian dolls, where each new doll is a new version of ourselves that must properly enclose the past version of us. We believe that at each stage of our growth, we must become a bigger version of ourselves, one who does not leave behind our older selves, but is always greater than them. When we take the next step in our lives, regardless of who we are, we must always strive to be better than our previous versions. This makes our journey of growth into an intense and impossible struggle against ourselves.

Generation Z has changed the course of the world by making it acceptable for each individual to be unique in their growth and lifestyle. Members of our generation have challenged the idea of comparison and conformity to the extent that it is now more normal for us to stand out than to fit in. Now, instead of racing against others and comparing ourselves to others to determine whether we are growing or not, we have begun to compare ourselves with our past versions.

Unfortunately, because the very idea of growth means that we must make mistakes and stumble, it is impossible for the present version of ourselves always to be better than the past. Nevertheless, a person who has made a mistake or acted in a way that does not represent their character does not suddenly become defined by this moment for the rest of their life. Our growth is not reset every time we make a mistake. In fact, it is the way we act after making a mistake that truly defines us.

We are not dolls, and the journey of growth is neither elegant nor perfect. At many times during this process, it can feel as if we are going backwards, or as if we have been moving in circles over and over again. None of these facts make our journey better or worse, nor do they change how worthy we are to keep moving forward. There is never a ‘right’ way to grow, and there is not really a ‘right’ way to feel as we grow.

The only thing we can control is how willing we are to keep moving forward and embracing each new version of ourselves, regardless of whether it is who we expected to become.