By Vanessa Cort

THERE is a trend which began a year ago and is apparently now on the popular Tik Tok social media platform, advising users to ‘cut ties’ with toxic people in their lives.

This has led to many announcing ‘no contact’ with family members, as well as those once considered friends.

The advice, originally issued by a breakup support group, was intended to help persons after a painful separation from a partner, by establishing some distance.

However, ‘no contact’ seems to have acquired a ‘life’ of its own to the point where children are breaking all interaction with parents.

At the same time there is rising controversy about whether this ‘rule’ should even be called a trend, with some arguing that a trend is ‘something fun. Something that brings people together’. Others say that a trend can be either good or bad and ‘simply means things are developing or changing in one direction or another’.
Whether trend or not, the real question is whether cutting off all forms of communication with someone actually benefits the person who initiates this act.

Psychiatrist, Dr Erica Richards, recently said, on the NBC news mental health segment, that there is no proof that ‘no contact’ is working.

Nonetheless, others like Psychologist, Mark Travers, declared that in the aftermath of a breakup, “…the no contact rule serves as a vital tool for post-breakup healing by allowing individuals to step back and process their emotions without the interference of ongoing communication”.

He does however point out that not every breakup would necessitate implementing the rule, which becomes “crucial” in toxic relationships. And he also makes the salient point that the effectiveness of the rule lies in “intentional and mindful implementation”.
So far it would seem that some are misinterpreting the rule and using it as a tool for manipulation or a game and not as a means of regaining mental stability.

Indeed, simply cutting someone out of your life does not automatically heal you. This should mark the beginning of a process of self-awareness and emotional independence. It is intended to create a space where you can reflect on your own actions and choices and achieve clarity and personal growth.

More complex issues are at play when the ‘no contact’ rule is applied to friends and family, in particular, parents.

Here, the debate gets even more heated with many citing the biblical tenet,
‘Honour Thy father and Thy mother’ and insisting that the rule, applied to parents, is a sign of disrespect.

Others have no such compunction, in the face of what they perceive as a toxic relationship, which is causing them distress.

Those who have ‘cut off’ parents often describe trying to preserve the relationship time and again with no success. They contend that at some point they must decide to put their own mental health first.

Hillary Carmona is one psychologist who supports this view, claiming that ‘no contact’ is “…an effective approach to physically distancing yourself from the (toxic) person to give yourself space to heal”.

She however advises it as a last resort, when all other attempts to rectify the relationship have failed and cautions that, “Going no contact can be incredibly tough” and may not always provide the closure needed.

Whatever the decision, clearly ‘no contact’ can only work if the person initiating it carefully considers this option, follows the rules and uses the break to restore their mental well-being.

Autumn Kohler, a disability advocate said: ” A bad relationship is like standing on broken glass, if you stay, you will keep hurting. If you walk away, you will hurt, but eventually, you will heal”.