I HAVE had so many thoughts and discussions lately on how to rid toxicity from our lives. Sadly, most of this is caused by other people who may bring negativity into our lives. I was asked recently how we get rid of unnecessary drama. I choose to answer this in the form of types of people who- in my opinion- we should and should not have in our lives.
Why am I focusing on other people rather than personal attributes? Because the longest health study in the world determined that the nature of our relationships is the number one indicator of a long, happy and healthy life.

Let’s start with the ones you should have! These roles have been presented and modernised over time.
There is the Leader: someone who walks with you well outside your comfort zone, pushing you towards improvement and holds you accountable when you seem to be derailing.
The Liver: the one who fills your days with great stories of their own experiences that inspire you to do more with your own life, have more adventures, and never become complacent.
The Listener: the one who really hears what you have to say and knows what you need in the moment. These are the ones who know to ask whether you just need to vent or whether you are open to advice instead of those who listen and talk over you only to hear their own voice.

The Joyous one: the one who sees all the good things in life in an unexplainable way and brings a happy energy with them that seems to pass on to you.
The Cheerleader/Supporter: the one who constantly supports us and acknowledges even the smallest of wins. They believe in you, always share in your excitement, and enforce the excellence within you. There is no malice or jealousy- just genuine joy for anything good that comes your way.

The Mentor/ Adviser: the one who is not only competent but also gives sound advice in areas where we need to grow.
The Rock: the one who is always by your side- through the good and the bad. It doesn’t mean enabling and constant presence no matter what, but rather understanding that we all need grace and support to be better.
The Freer: the one who allows you to be your most authentic self and loves you for it.
The Challenger: the one who is willing and able to call out your wrongdoings (without insult) and challenges you to be a better person.

The Inspiration: the one who inspires us to take action to become our best selves- either because they constantly tell us they see greatness in us or they inspire us by their own greatness.
The truth-teller: the one who will pull us out of our “delulu” land by always telling us the truth. Too many people around us lie and tell us only what we want to hear, but we always need someone around us who is going to bring us back to reality.

The Character Builder: the one who holds themselves and others at a high standard and therefore has good morals and integrity, which encourage us to live up to the same standard.
If none of these people sound familiar, it’s never too late to make new friends, as we are the average of the five people closest to us. Make sure that they are people you would be proud to be compared to. If someone told you that you were a lot like your friends, would you take it as a compliment or as an insult? I don’t believe you should be spending any quality time with people where a comparison would be offensive.

On the other end of the spectrum, the types of friends we should try to avoid are:

The one-sided friend: where you do all the asking, planning, supporting, and secret sharing and get very little in return.
The Co-dependent Friend: the one who is overly reliant on you and doesn’t allow you to soar because they may not want to. They bring guilt into your life if you do not always help them be comfortable and whole.

The toxic friend: the one who is constantly putting you in unnecessary and conflicting situations.

The fake friend: the one who we know is not genuinely happy for us when good things happen. They can sometimes hide, but I think deep down we know who these people are.

Considering that our relationships are the most important things that determine our health and happiness, this list is intended to realise that it’s not about the number of people but the quality of those around you- are they actually contributing positively to your life? See which type of people are missing in your life and which quality you would most like in a friend, and try to fill it.
Also, as self-reflection is important, what do you think your family and friends would say you are? How do you contribute to others’ lives, and what more can you do?

Thank you for reading. I have a very important question for you all.
What questions have you always had about mental health? What are you not sure about? What have you always wanted to ask? I’m going to leave these questions under my column for a few months and I hope that you all write in to caitlinvieira@gmail.com with your questions!