WHEN we speak of grief and loss, many people associate it solely with the death of a loved one. I believe that death is indeed one of the greatest losses one can possibly face, but my belief is subjective. Some people may experience grief in greater forms, more intense than death, because their loss is tied to their experience and their emotional capacities.

I’ve also noticed many people measuring loss to decide if its intensity is enough for the effects to be called grief. I am here to tell you that grief is not only tied to death. In fact, many of us grieve every day and we may not even know it. We may only classify it when we’re experiencing the death of a loved one, but grief comes in many shapes and forms. This type of grief is known as “disenfranchised grief”, and it was originated by Bereavement expert Kenneth Doka in 1989. He explained that it is a loss that is not commonly acknowledged or publicly supported.

With a definition of disenfranchised grief in mind, can you imagine how much of it we’ve experienced during the COVID-19 pandemic? I am sure that many of us were not even aware that we are grieving our loss of freedom to visit our families or our loss of good health after being ill. We’ve been through and are still going through a whole lot of grief because of the pandemic. Insider listed some ways in which people can experience grief aside from death.

These include financial or material loss, illnesses or injury, institutional losses, estrangement or relinquishment. People can grieve for financial or material losses if they lose their possessions or home in a fire or if it was foreclosed. One can grieve for their good health in times of illness; they can grieve an institutional loss if a system such as social services or a church fails to meet their needs or protection. Relinquished loss is a chosen loss like a person giving up alcohol and finally, estrangement can be when someone grieves after having a fracture or shift in a relationship or bond.

While these are some simple categories with real-life examples, the possibilities of grief exist in almost every loss we face as human beings. Unfortunately, many people end up feeling “guilty” because their grief may not be tied to death or a tragic event. Give your grief the validity it deserves. That is my best advice to you.

You should acknowledge and deem your loss important, even if it’s not a common form of grief. You should also try to understand when you are experiencing grief. Many people mistake grief for a mental illness but unless it is complicated grief, then it’s simply a natural emotion of grief, and you should be allowed to process it without judgement. You should be able to get to the root causes of the grief and process your emotions.

We may all have different ways of grieving, but please remember that grief is a natural process. To grieve means you have lived life and possibly loved. You should remember that and be proud of that bit, at least. Please be kind to yourselves if you are experiencing any form of grief, and do not let anyone invalidate your loss and the feelings that come along with it.

If you’re interested in speaking to a grief expert or to find a counsellor that is trained in the field, kindly send me an email; marissavictoriafoster@gmail.com