WHEN you reflect on our relationships — whether they be romantic, friendly, or family-oriented—how dependent are you on them? Do you often see your mood being highly influenced by their behaviour and actions? Do you feel as though you look to others for their validation on what you want or need out of life? Is your self-confidence lacking as it relates to you and how you take care of yourself? If you’ve answered yes to those—you’re probably highly dependent on others with whom you may be in a relationship, romantic or otherwise.

We need to acknowledge the importance of togetherness and unity, but at the same time, individualism is just as important. There needs to be some sort of balance in navigating the two worlds side by side. By doing this, you’ll be able to place equal emphasis on yourself and the relationships you have.

I’ve heard one too many stories of adults who lose their sense of self in consenting relationships. It’s as if they’ve entirely wiped their identities and replaced them with their relationships identities. This should not be the case. I’ve attended many weddings where someone gets up to say their speech and includes the idea of “you two must become one,” within their advice for the couple. In my opinion, that’s a terrible idea and quite frankly, it’s terrible advice to internalise and practise.

Metaphorically, it’s probably just something nice to say as it’s a regurgitation of many wedding speeches. However, in reality, and in practicality—it’s a NO for me. You should not forgo your self-worth, self-care, happiness, or personal needs for the sake of relationships. You can have an identity with your partner while simultaneously still maintaining your sense of self.

You shouldn’t give up one for the other. This goes for all other forms of relationships you have throughout your lifetime. It’s easy to become co-dependent for many of us. It can manifest itself in almost every relationship we may have in some form or another. Nonetheless, it’s important to remember that you should set your boundaries to protect your identity, especially when the demands of others with whom you share relationships may seem overwhelming and uncomfortable. Your sense of self should not shift.

Yes, compromise is important, but the self is more important. If by chance you’re in a relationship of any kind that thrives on your loss of self-esteem, identity, or worth—let me tell someone that it is not a healthy environment or position to be in. There may be exceptions, but one or nothing should thrive on you being less of who you are.

With that in mind, this should not excuse your negative attitude or habits that may not be right suited for others to be around. You should not compromise your best SELF for a partnership or a relationship to thrive.