WHEN children run away from home, they are labelled as “own way,” stubborn, rude and delinquent. People hardly ever stop to find out why the child got away – or how they may have suffered over the years. Instead of blaming children, their home environment and the adults who raise them should be examined.

Children do not usually leave a caring environment to hang out on the street, beg people for money or commit a crime. Even in the worst-case scenario where a girl child runs off because she is promiscuous and enticed by a man, there is usually a problem in the home.

Parents accuse children without looking at themselves, their childhood, and their upbringing. A well-known adage says the apple does not fall far from the tree. This means that children are not dissimilar from their parents – they are the fruit the tree bore. The lifestyles parents expose them to during childhood (what they see, hear and endure) underlines how they relate to and analyse their surroundings. It is also a big part of who they are likely to become in the future.

When a girl became pregnant at 12, the family questioned how this could happen. But her parents had a messy separation, and the child lived from one home to the next before her grandmother took her in. Without proper supervision or attention, she felt unloved and uncared for – her parents were too busy taken up with their new lives to notice her vulnerability.

During one of her transitions from point A to point B, an older boy (15) took an interest in her, and they started to “talk.” One thing led to another, and their first chance to be alone together resulted in a baby girl. There are many stories like this where parents fail to monitor children adequately due to their pressures, stresses and situations.

When children cannot find the care, love, attention and a feeling of belonging in their households, they search for it elsewhere. They may not know what they are looking for because they do not possess the intellect to realise what is lacking in their lives. But they are aware when a touch; some thoughtful words; or a kind gesture makes them feel better– wholesome, valued, respected or loved. Even if it is just for a little while, a yearning deep inside is fulfilled for that moment.

Most children run away from home to escape abuse. The abuse can be psychological, where adults always put the child down, call him names, criticise him and treat him like a scapegoat. Bad treatment can overwhelm children with no one to turn to for protection. Running away from the constant daily bombardment of verbal abuse may be their only option and not an easy decision. Life on the streets is challenging. Therefore, life at home must be intolerable for a child to take such dire action.

A woman recalls: “I decided to run away from home the morning my mother beat me with a belt again. She always blew something out of proportion for an excuse to beat me — only me, not my little brother. I truly believed she did not like me, and I often wondered if I was her daughter.

“That morning I went to school feeling sore, lonely and miserable. How was I meant to concentrate after my morning ordeal? I told my friend I was running away from home that day and she was concerned. “Where will you go? What will you do?” she asked. I had no plans, but I knew I wasn’t going home. After school, I strayed about the streets with different things running through my mind.

“I thought about throwing myself from a bridge or going to the police station and telling them how my mother treated me. But when it got late, I finally gave in and went home with a heavy heart and trembling with fear – I was 13 years old at the time. When I turned 19, I moved out my things one day while mum was at work; this time, I was organised, and I had had enough. I am 62 years old now, and she is 81. We never speak. I have nothing to say.”

When a child is sexually abused, their behaviour can change to the point where they will run away from home, usually because they are beyond caring about what happens to them. Sexual abuse can occur for several years without the child disclosing it to an adult. Occasionally, children have told their parents or carers about the abuse but are ignored, or the adult does not believe them, and the abuse continues.

Running away from home is a powerful statement — something is wrong. Children would not leave the security of a house with people they love unless they are disturbed or traumatised.

Sexually abused children are prey for predators who like nothing better than a mixed-up youngster with no one to care for them and nowhere to go. The youngster can be quickly befriended and manipulated into acts of depravity.

Children who run away from home need guidance and attention from stable adults, whether they realise it or not. Despite the circumstances, parents must try to stay calm. They should offer a platform for discussion, compromise and change to the child when given the opportunity or when they return home. It is far more beneficial to talk things through than shouting or attacking the child for running away.

If you are concerned about the welfare of a child, call the CPA hotline on 227 0979 or write to us at childcaregy@gmail.com.

A MESSAGE FROM THE CHILDCARE AND PROTECTION AGENCY, MINISTRY OF HUMAN SERVICES AND SOCIAL SECURITY