SO you have children you want to see grow to the best of their ability and make the most out of life. The first thing you have to do is love and protect them, let them feel your affection, warmth and security – let them know you care and are there for them unconditionally.

Children will need this level of commitment from adults even if parents go their separate ways. Unfortunately, some parents become bitter towards their ex-partners.

They cannot stand to see, hear, or speak to them, which puts their offspring in a dilemma. How can a child develop naturally and healthy with a good disposition if parents are at loggerheads?

There is no blueprint on how to raise children, and one size does not fit all, but one thing is clear, children need both parents in their lives whenever possible. The sooner parents realise this and resolve their differences and disputes, the better it will be for the child.

For at least 18 years, or until the child is a competent adult, parents will share a common interest in the child’s well-being. Why make those years miserable for all involved? Especially the child. It seems ironic that two people who were once intimate enough to make a child could dislike each other profoundly.

For some children, the unpleasantness between parents mars their precious childhood journey. They carry their parent’s emotional baggage and hear things they should not hear; feel negative emotions they need not feel while enduring a toxic existence. These children are at the mercy of two people who hate each other more than they love their child.

Kamilla was fourteen when she ran away from home; here is her story.

When I ran away from home, people in our community thought I was hiding somewhere with a man, but that was far from true. My friend knew an older man who put us up for a while, but I ran away because I had had enough of my parents’ behaviour. I don’t know why they bothered to have kids – they didn’t care about me. When I look back, I think what I wanted to do was shout at them, ‘Stop!! You two are crazy; you’re worse than little children; what about me? You dragged me into your mess’.

Instead of enjoying school and hanging out with my friends, my parents’ cuss words, actions, and hostile behaviour filled my mind; I couldn’t focus. My instability drew me towards a disruptive girl in my year who became my friend; soon, we skipped school and met up with other delinquents. Then one day, I didn’t go home and officially became a runaway.

As I lay on the floor of the house where we stayed, drifting off to sleep, in my mind, I could hear my parents quarrelling. It always made me tremble with fear and gave me a sinking feeling in my stomach – arguing, shouting, cursing each other, slamming doors, throwing things down and sometimes there were slaps, scuffling and screaming.

Dad moved out when I was six, and my brother Liam was 2. Was Liam affected by dad’s absence? I don’t know, but I missed him. There was no one to give me a piggyback, to read me stories, or to continue teaching me to tie my laces. I didn’t feel as safe as I used to when daddy bolted the door and said good night, but the house was quieter, and I didn’t tremble anymore.

It seemed months later I heard my mother on the phone
ne, ‘the man is a dead beat; good riddance to bad rubbish; what arrangements, they are my children; which visitation? Watch, don’t let me start’. My heart sank as I realised dad wasn’t coming back. I lay awake at night thinking of him. He never called me on the phone or even said goodbye. Around this time, I started wetting my bed.

The first time it happened, mum changed the bedding without a fuss. But when it happened a third and fourth time, she was mad.

‘I ain’t got money fuh soap powder to keep washing your sheets; you best find you good-for-nothing father let him mind you’. The remarks about dad continued over the years as she reaffirmed he was no good.

I reconnected with my father on my 7th birthday at granny’s house. He came with his pregnant girlfriend. Although he gave me a piggyback and we played around, it wasn’t the same. I went home feeling sad and disappointed. Dad had moved on and didn’t need me as I needed him. When I told mum about my day, she hit the roof.

She got on the phone and shouted at my dad – he is irresponsible, careless, a jackass who can’t mind his family. The sinking feeling in my stomach returned, and I trembled.

Over the coming years, the circumstances deteriorated further. Mum found a boyfriend and sent me to live with Dad. Dad’s girlfriend didn’t like me, so I went back and forth between houses depending on what was happening in each household. I was lost, lonely and confused when I ran away, but that was my cry for help.

I want my parents to love and guide me – to be people I can rely on who dedicate some time to raising me until I am a confident adult. I don’t think that is too much to ask. I am now staying with an Aunt while mum, dad, and I attend counselling sessions. I hope our relationship improves.

If you are concerned about the welfare of a child call the CPA hotline on 227 0979 or write to us at childcaregy@gmail.com
A MESSAGE FROM THE CHILDCARE AND PROTECTION AGENCY,
MINISTRY OF HUMAN SERVICES AND SOCIAL SECURITY