IT is back to school this week for many children across Guyana, and they will be smartly turned out in their clean, neatly-ironed uniforms (at least on their way to school) and haversacks. Parents will advise them on what to do and how to behave, and the children, once they meet with friends, will be excited and forget – on occasions, it is adults who forget, and young children are stranded at school or get lost trying to make their way home. Many teething problems occur as parents and children settle into routines during the new school term.

It is a busy time for everyone, but adults must not overlook the fundamental place that matters most to children – their home. The principles of behaviour are created in the home along with children’s physical, emotional and psychological development. Whatever they take into a classroom stems from what goes on at home. Therefore, homes should be peaceful, comfortable and as secure as possible, ensuring children have a safety hub when needed.

If someone bullies a child or makes immoral advances, steals their money, or they see something traumatic, there should be someone at home they can rely upon to talk to, someone who will listen without judgement and offer guidance or advice. So many things happen to children daily that parents do not know about and would undoubtedly react to if the child informed them.

The ability for children to make and sustain quality relationships begins in the home environment – this is where children should observe positive adult role models who treat each other with respect, love and appreciation. If the adults are divided and carry around negative emotions due to their problems, they will affect their children’s well-being, and the home will not be happy. Instead of being a sanctuary that children want to run to, it will be a place that feels sad and hollow.

Some homes have the latest modern conveniences; flat screen television, nice furniture, immaculate flooring and well-kept front and back yard, yet the place feels unwelcoming and ‘empty’. There is no love, joy or comfort in the home. The children who live there may not realise what is wrong. They strive and grow in an environment void of warmth and nurturing. They will not miss what they do not have during childhood – but may find it difficult to be warm and nurturing as adults.

Many children grow into adults searching for experiences and knowledge denied them, though not intentionally, in childhood. Most young women and girls, who grow up in a home without a father figure, are unsure how to relate to a man or what they seek from the same.

They have missed out on the bonding and rearing necessary from their first male role model (their father). They run around craving something, unsure of what it is, and end up victims of physical abuse, taken advantage of, or with children they never planned. Yet they don’t know what is missing and why they are still unfulfilled.

Only some adults, who take the time to look within (introspect), can trace the childhood discrepancies to their family life. Most children belong to a family and live in a home. The home environment helps shape the future adult- how the adult thinks, needs and desires, integrity, determination and attitude.

Why do some men walk around ready for an argument? They tend to be in a constant state of dissatisfaction. They can liaise with others and get things done when need be, but if a person says one thing out of place, they are ready to attack at the slightest provocation – as if they are carrying around some childhood pain they must release. People who walk away from an argument without cussing, swearing or needing to make a point, where did they learn their contentment? Some mannerisms are hereditary, but children acquire behaviours primarily from adults at home.

An adage says, ’home is where the heart is, but for many children, ‘home is where the hurt is. Instead of their homes being a refuge of sacred comfort, it is a place where they are consistently abused, mistreated, and disrespected. Their only reprieve is when they are out of their homes, away from the people who are meant to be creating positive childhood memories – but lacking dismally in their role.

The best homes have a structured routine that children know and can rely on – this makes children feel secure and able to plan. They know when it is time for bed and what they should do at home—for example, keeping their personal space tidy, helping with household chores, taking out the garbage, cleaning up any mess they make, etc.

When adults and children make household rules together, adults can explain why specific rules exist, and children can ask questions if necessary. If parents agree to the rules and break them, they set a poor example in their household. Adults must consistently follow through with promises, commitments and disciplinary measures they have put in place for children.

It is unpleasant when youngsters live in a disharmonious home, where they feel constantly burdened with adult problems or emotional conflict. Parents should never make children choose between them or take sides in an argument. Responsible grown-ups create a home of joy, comfort, safety, support and fun for their children – sharing positive, uplifting, optimistic experiences for the future success of their offspring.

If you are concerned about the welfare of a child call the CPA hotline on 227 0979 or write to us at childcaregy@gmail.com
A MESSAGE FROM THE CHILDCARE AND PROTECTION AGENCY,
MINISTRY OF HUMAN SERVICES AND SOCIAL SECURITY