I WISH I could say that I had a long conversation with someone, and that brought me to write about this topic, but truthfully, all it took was a 20-minute trip into town. Now, this is not an attack on Guyanese people as I’m Guyanese- probably the proudest one you’ll ever meet, but I still have to ask the question- where did some of our most basic manners go?

We all comment on and laugh about it- this person that I haven’t seen in a while told me I got fat or not ageing well and it goes on and on. Some people truly do not know what’s polite or even necessary to say or not to say anymore.

I never think it is too late for change when it comes to behaviour, so I thought I’d talk about the most basic human etiquette or social rules that everyone should follow just to have a more harmonious community with overall better well-being. Yes, I mean that even these little things affect our mental health.

Etiquette is defined as formal rules and manners that are considered sacred and acceptable in society. These were established centuries ago but have changed over time to keep up with current trends. These are the guiding principles of how we should behave that eliminate us from being menaces in society. While cultural differences will change some etiquette, I’m discussing ones that suit the general public, and I hope most people agree.
There’s often an internal battle as to how much we should follow our instincts and do what we like or how much we should give in to social conventions. In the majority of these cases, I’d advise giving into social norms.

First, there are many types of etiquette, meaning we change behaviour based on our circumstances or surroundings.
There is social etiquette, principles based on what society deems acceptable. These are the more popular; the ones we are taught, or we learn through trial and error. Common examples are to say please and thank you, listen when someone is speaking to us, not to interrupt when others are speaking, don’t ask rude or intrusive questions, be on time, and offer up your seat if someone is more in need of it, hold the door if someone is right behind you, pay your share of a bill when it comes and practise self-control when you become irritated in public.

There is business/corporate etiquette; how we dress or conduct ourselves at work or during meetings, keeping your desk or direct environment clean etc.; Bathroom etiquette; how one should take care of a public restroom, not barge in on others etc.; Restaurant/ Eating etiquette; not to chew with your mouth open, don’t speak with your mouth full or tell vile stories when one is eating etc.

These are pretty obvious ones, right? We should all know these things already, right? Apparently, wrong- there are so many people around me that do not adhere to these societal rules, and these are the basics, the ones we are literally taught. This means I’m going to speak about the unspoken ones- the ones we learn from awareness or reading a room- which many people actually do not know how to do.

Not enough people talk about telephone etiquette. It’s something so easy, accessible and personal to us that we forget there are societal rules that still should be followed, yes, even if it’s your phone. For example, my biggest pet peeve is if someone calls me more than once if I do not pick up the call the first time. The only reason I should see two calls is if it’s an emergency, and it tells me you should be the first person to call back. For those who call the same number multiple times, if the person does not answer the first time, I’m going to tell you what they are probably not- it’s very bothersome and rude. There is a reason why the call wasn’t answered the first time.

Then, of course, there is speaking to other people who are physically around you while you have placed a call to someone else, leaving people on hold for too long, not saying goodbye before you hang up etc.
Practise good body language when you are speaking to people. This means eye contact, standing or sitting up straight, no folded arms, body facing them etc.; this is just respectful communication.
Respect one’s personal space. The COVID-19 six-feet-apart rule should have been a lifelong common courtesy. There is very little more intrusive than invading one’s personal space. If, for some reason, you feel you have to, ask permission first.

Practise your inside voice. Have you ever been in a public place and heard someone speaking very loudly – to another person or on the phone? Even if the conversation is pleasant, it can be very bothersome to some people.
Take headphones with you everywhere. People who play music or watch videos aloud tend to show that they have little respect for others around them. There’s also the other end that when people wear headphones, they believe they do not have to respect the people around them. This has happened to me in the gym, where someone would bump into me and not stop and apologise because they are wearing headphones. Music doesn’t take away your ability to feel physical touch.

Taking pictures and videos in public without the permission of those who may be in view is also a personal violation. Many people are out trying to enjoy themselves and now have to worry about being exposed because some individuals have to document everything. Film yourself as much as you would like but try your best to exclude others around you.

Return people’s items when you borrow them. It does not matter how trivial you think the item is. For example, I would lend anyone anything, but I do not lend out books as I feel they are my most prized possessions. Just because you may not share the same passion does not mean it doesn’t mean everything to someone else.

Guyanese drivers, I know this is a common one, but you are probably responsible for 90% of other’s bad moods. The overtaking, refusal to wait in line like everyone else, not using turn signals. There is a recommendation for the road- use your turn signal at least 50% more than you use your middle finger. Also, everyone on the road has somewhere to be and it’s not necessarily any less important than where you need to be.

I know some of you reading may be asking why should anyone care about these things? I do meet a lot of people who think they are entitled to behave and say whatever they would like, and yes, they are, but I often wonder how healthy their relationships are, if they have any. There are many benefits to practising good etiquette.

The most important is that it brings great self-confidence and a sense of security. When you know you are doing right, you feel right. It also benefits all relationships around you; it creates a great first impression as well as enhances your friendships, intimate and business relationships as most do gravitate and appreciate kind, caring and respectful people. It allows for an open line of communication among yourself and others due to trust created through positive and comfortable behaviour.

We can start making a difference by teaching these norms to children from a young age. Help them to understand the importance of these social rules and their effects on others and ourselves. Be a role model for good behaviour and others will follow suit. Simply use the golden rule- treat others the way you wish to be treated.

Thank you for reading and please continue to send suggested topics to caitlinvieira@gmail.com