HUMANS can be unpredictable beings when we’re hurt. The obvious reaction would be sadness, but oftentimes, that’s not the final reaction. Aside from sadness, some people may be angry, some may be resentful, and some may be revengeful. Over the years, I had mixed emotions and experiences with believing in karma. I once believed that you should make people feel the hurt and pain that they’ve made you feel. I also once believed that somehow, the universe or a higher being would “take care” of that person that has hurt me. Personally, both of these beliefs have proved futile to me. It may work for some people, but it’s not my cup of tea. Nonetheless, the concept of “revenge” is quite popular, whether many who feel it acknowledge it or not. I mean, who could forget Princess Diana’s revenge black dress appearance after her divorce from Prince Charles? There’s even a Wikihow page on 15 steps that explains how one can get revenge on another person who has done them wrong!

Instinctively, if something threatens what we care most about, we will develop a natural urge to protect it. “Revenge” has always been a primal way of protecting ourselves, our emotions, our properties and our loved ones. This “eye for an eye” concept has been around for as long as humans were. It’s the focal spark of retributive behaviour. We can let things go, but the idea of revenge will always sound more appealing to many. Like every other thing in life, there’s a bad side, and there’s a good side to wanting revenge. After leaving abusive relationships, victims may use that feeling of “revenge” to better their own lives and rise above their abuser. Or, after someone made you have a setback from your goals, you may feel the need to push even harder to achieve those goals—these can be positives.

On the other hand, when we hold onto having revenge, we ought to be careful so that it does not consume us. You should not obsess over getting even with anyone or anything in life. You could invest the time you waste on obsessing and plotting into your own personal self-development—to become a better person. The feeling of wanting revenge is normal. The feeling itself is not a problem, just like anger; we can never run from such negative emotions. How we channel and cope with these feelings and emotions matters the most. Young people may believe that there is enough time on earth to “get even” with the people who’ve wronged them. As I expressed before, I no longer believe in karma or getting even personally. I won’t sit around all day anymore, hoping that somehow the universe repays negativity onto someone’s life. I also won’t sit around all day to plot in my head how I’ll hurt that person—that’s toxic!

When you think about it, choosing to let things go over revenge can save so much time, effort and even lives. Globally speaking, the obsession with revenge has ignited wars and battles among countries. The idea of corporal punishment seeks retribution and revenge for those who’ve caused harm to society. The lynching and killing of slaves were birthed from the bitterness of revenge. The destruction of lives through “revenge porn” after breakups are gutted in revenge. These and so many other heartbreaking truths are initiated through this feeling. I’m not a professional “guru” when it comes to handling my emotions and feelings, but I had to understand that sometimes peace and tranquillity through “letting things go” is better than the chaos and even more pain that comes with revenge.

On that note, choosing not to violently hurt or cause distress to the person who has hurt you is one thing but holding that person accountable for their actions is another. We can let things go by not wanting to excite ill-will against that person, but that doesn’t mean that they’re off the hook for their actions. You are not doing them a favour when you choose not to obsess over revenge—it’s a favour to yourself. You will appear weak if you don’t “throw hands” or key their cars. Instead, you can become a better person by using that very time to invest in yourself. It is an insult to your self-worth to ever stoop to that level of vengeance.