WHEN children come across as rude, impolite or uncouth, people say, ‘that’s how young people stay nowadays’. But is it? Yes, times have changed, and we should change with the times, but is discourtesy ever acceptable? Young people spend a lot of time on devices that the average adult does not understand. However, this does not give them the upper hand or an excuse for cultivating an ‘attitude’ which implies they have no upbringing.

Adults should not encourage children to behave in an unruly fashion, nor should they make excuses when their child’s behaviour falls short. ‘Oh, he’s just tired; or he’s hungry’ or the classic cover-up when a child is out-of-hand – ‘he’s had a long day’. Good manners and etiquette (codes of conduct) are qualities worth preserving and maintaining regardless of how much time evolves.

Child-rearing has indeed changed from bygone days. Parents played little importance to their behaviour in front of children in the past. They lived by the ethos – Do as I say and not as I do, and children must be seen and not heard.

Children grew with subdued emotions, thoughts and ideas, while ‘big people’ said and did things that inadvertently influenced their children’s lives and subsequent future. Children were never asked for their opinions, and rarely was a child’s point of view considered in family decision-making. On top of this subjection, sharing licks was commonplace.

Thankfully, over the past 30 years, more parents have clued into child development. They are more aware of their responsibilities as influencers and role models in their children’s lives and ultimate destinies. It is no longer just about attending school, getting good grades, looking nice and having fine family meals.

Parents realise children are dimensional and not naïve, unsophisticated beings. Children have emotions, desires, thoughts, ideas, dreams and fears just like adults – and they rely on adults to guide them.

Nowadays, we can hear children’s voices. They have international platforms to speak out about injustices and concerns. They also recognise the role they play in the global future. Today’s children are bright, well-informed, and one step ahead of adults in many cases. Nevertheless, it will always remain the duty of parents, carers, grandparents, teachers and responsible family members, to teach children basic manners, astuteness, morals and values.

The principles of good conduct for boys and girls, men and women, do not change regardless of our era. For example, when walking with a girl, boys should walk on the outside to protect the female, and when sitting down to eat at a table, boys should show courtesy by pulling out the chair for the girl or lady.

Girls should learn that quiet speech is still a mark of refinement; loud, brawlish girls and women lack dignity. Female conduct should involve a sense of pride and intrigue – so girls are known for their charm, intellect and countenance and not just their physical assets.

Women and girls who show a lot of skin may receive attention from lecherous males. But are lustful men the type of partners that women need? Would they make faithful and reliable husbands, good fathers and be a rock to lean on in times of need? Mothers should teach their girls that skimpy clothing leaves nothing to the imagination; neither does it make a girl pretty, sensible or wise.

It may sound simple but just a plain ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ elude many young people even though parents should teach these basic manners from infancy. When reminded or nudged into remembering their manners, the child may comply and forget to exercise the same on another occasion.

It is not a delusion of entitlement that prevents young people from displaying courtesies in this way. It is their ‘gratitude attitude’. Anything done for children or given to them deserves a show of appreciation. Adults can teach children to be grateful, not just for material things, but for nature, good health, a loving family and more.

‘I told my daughter, even if it’s just a dollar sweetie someone gives you, always say thank you. Short prayers, Amen’. Says a mother who understands the significance of showing gratitude and courtesy to others. She continued, ‘I was raised with good manners, don’t step over people’s legs, ask ‘please for a pass’. Knock the door, and wait for a reply before entering; always say sorry if you jam someone, ask permission before taking or touching other people’s property, and show respect for others, especially elders’.

Teach children straightforward courtesies like standing up from a sitting position when introduced to someone. They should make eye contact when they speak to people and ask for an excuse if they need to leave the room. Arriving late to any event and not offering a heartfelt apology does not go well; children must learn to be on time every time, and apologies should not be full of excuses or blame.

It is impolite for children to interrupt or ‘butt in’ when people are speaking. Teach children to listen and wait for their turn to speak. In emergencies, when they must interrupt, they should ask for ‘an excuse’ before talking.

One last word on manners that will help the young and old alike – limit the time spent on mobile phones. Turn them off or leave them in another room when sitting down to eat with family or spending quality time with loved ones – ensure children do the same. Bring back the art of meaningful conversation, devotion to family life and family values.

If you are concerned about the welfare of a child, call the CPA hotline on 227 0979 or write to us at childcaregy@gmail.com
A MESSAGE FROM THE CHILDCARE AND PROTECTION AGENCY,
MINISTRY OF HUMAN SERVICES AND SOCIAL SECURITY