I CONSIDER myself an ambivert, even though my personality is often mistaken for that of an extrovert. With that said, even on days when I have no urge to socialise, I have to. As a young volunteer and youth worker, it’s my job to network with others. As an entrepreneur, I have to engage and communicate with my customers on a daily basis. As a writer, I have a commitment to write and express my thoughts weekly. At the end of the day, I also have my friends and family to be intimate and engaging with. Similarly, many of you who are currently reading this may have the same forms of communications, bonds and relationships with others. I have people who adore and love me, yet I’ve been feeling lonely and isolated in the past week. I eventually had to ask myself the question, “Can loneliness be an illusion”?

With my social work knowledge and training, I can safely say that, yes, sometimes loneliness is an “illusion.” That “illusion” is sometimes just what’s in our minds. We crave socialisation with others. It’s our innate desires as human beings. The saying, “we were born alone” comforts us when we are “alone,” but in reality, we cannot holistically get through life by being a one-man island in this world. To say, “I am lonely” is incomplete. I think it goes beyond those three words. Physically, we may have people around taking up physical space, but are they emotionally and mentally there? I think most of the loneliness we feel either stems from mental and emotional unavailability from those closest to us, or from our minds and our emotional states.

Our minds can make us feel “lonely” based on specific experiences and emotions we’re facing. Perhaps, we feel “lonely” because we’re grieving about something or someone that nobody else can relate to. We can feel lonely because our mindsets differ from how those around us think. Or, we can feel lonely because we tend to isolate ourselves as a coping mechanism from those closest to us when we’re faced with challenges. Sometimes, the wall that separates us from those closest to us is our very mind. We’ll constantly neglect connectivity for loneliness if we don’t learn how to get that wall down. Of course, nothing is wrong with wanting to be alone or spend quality time with oneself. If you do, however, tend to feel lonely even though you’re surrounded by people who love and adore you, you should look inwards for possible answers as to why you feel that way. Sometimes, when you feel lonely, you need to spend more time with yourself—not with other people. There’s a fine line between solitude and loneliness, and sometimes that line is defined by your perspective. Change your perspective and thinking and maybe your loneliness can become a sense of freedom through solitude.