IS GAMING TAKING OVER YOUR CHILD’S LIFE?

PHONE addiction, internet addiction or technology addiction – whatever we call it- as parents, we are constantly expressing our worries that children are getting addicted to their devices. All the electronic devices that you could think of: the phone, tablets, computers and TVs are the enemy we love to hate. Even though they are entertaining, they are taking over our kids’ minds day by day.

As a parent, we are alarmed about two things: the extensive amount of time that our kids spend on their devices and the resistance that we see in our kids when we cut down the screen time. It’s always an uphill battle to get our kids away from the devices and get them to engage in social activities, dinner time, or even to do their homework.

The internet is now an integral and inescapable part of our daily lives. And let’s not forget the fact that we are now living through a pandemic and the use of devices has become more of a necessity with remote learning at schools.

The experience of gaming:
* Gaming brain: The human brain is wired for craving instant gratification, fast move and unpredictability. Video games can satisfy all the above three. When a child is engaged in a video game, the brain’s pleasure centre is flooded with dopamine. The dopamine-release that happens when playing a game can be so powerful that it can shut down the prefrontal cortex of your brain (the logical thinking and problem-solving part). This can cause the kids to experience zoning out or the meditative states. This is the reason some kids can play for 16 hours straight.

Video games are designed with a reward structure just as a completely unpredictable slot machine. The tension of knowing you will score, but not knowing when keeps you in the loop. The player starts to develop an unshakeable faith that ‘this might be the time that I win big.’

* Way of escape: Gaming is a combination of hyperstimulation of the brain and also the fulfilment of emotional needs. For many kids, the games become a refuge from a world where there is no sense of purpose or direction, from a world of pain and suffering through different life experiences. In the unreal world of gaming, the kids can get to feel a sense of mastery, belonging and control. They can socialise, see progress and feel a sense of purpose. The goals are clear, the world is simpler and there are no consequences.
The problem is, playing video games will not fix the issues of low confidence, low self-esteem, stress, overwhelm and other issues such as anxiety or depression.

Are the kids really addicted?
Often, when we say that someone is addicted to a phone or the internet, we use it more colloquially. The term addiction is more frequently used by parents than the child when we are communicating our frustration, concern and feeling of powerlessness to stop the unhealthy behaviour.

If we compare gaming with substance abuse, we can see that video games can activate similar reward centres of the brain, but the researches have shown that there are other crucial differences. Some parents might see addict-like behaviours when the devices are taken away from the child such as anger, restlessness and insisting on more screen times. But such behaviours can be prompted by many pleasurable activities and not necessarily constitute addiction.

Technically speaking, there is no such thing as internet, game or phone addiction. The American Psychiatric Association has described this as ’Internet Gaming disorder’ in the latest edition of the Diagnostic Statistical Manual, to recognise the unhealthy behaviours of playing video games. But to consider it a disorder, it must warrant the child’s behaviour to be very extreme and affect the child’s life. Therefore, we must be very cautious with using the term and we don’t want to pathologise the normal adolescent behaviour.

Problematic gaming:
Gaming isn’t always a problem. It can be a fun, engaging and enjoyable activity. Many research studies have shown some benefits associated with gaming such as increased creativity; increased problem-solving skills; improved coordination; greater brain efficiency and enhanced memory. The key here is moderation. When done in excess, it can lead to lower grades, reduced learning, financial losses, relationship issues, lack of sleep, and other health issues.

Warning signs that can signify a problem are,
* Lack of self-control. Loses track of time when playing games
* Forgo or lose interest in other age-appropriate activities such as socialising, playing sports, family time and other physical activities
* Deception – player lies about the time devoted to playing games or hides the devices
* Gaming affects sleep and health
* Gets agitated and angry when interrupted by their electronic devices
* Avoids homework and chores because of spending too much time on the devices
* A player continues to play the game despite acknowledging the negative effects on life
* The player’s grades decline, classes are missed or the player is absent from the place of employment

Strategies and systems to concur video game issues:

* Willpower isn’t enough: Research has shown that telling yourself “don’t play video games” over and over again in fact will have the opposite effect. It’s like swimming against a strong current and you are about to give up at a certain point. Using the limited willpower to establish some strategies, systems and rules works better

* Guideline’s manual: When a new device enters your home, sit with your child and set some guidelines outlining,
Who may use it?
When may it be used?
What it may be used to do?
Why the rule is being set?
How will the rule be enforced?

* A better approach may be to play with them rather than completely forbidding the games. Start with free educational games and encourage the games such as chess, which has a clear ending compared to other video games such as Warcraft with no specific ending that keeps luring you in for more.

* Detox: When you see the warning signs or when the gaming becomes problematic, go with a detox (no more gaming) for 30-90days. When it comes to addiction to any substance one is too many, and 1,000 is never enough. You just have to quit. Professional intervention may be required at this point to deal with the withdrawal symptoms and difficult feelings experienced by the child.

* Change the environment: Change your surroundings to make it inconvenient to play the games. Change the password, unplug everything, remove the devices, and do everything you can to make it difficult to play the game that has become too consuming.

* Notice your feelings: Once the child is in detox, they may experience sadness, frustration, restlessness, anger, anxiety, loss, etc. Help them to be aware of those difficult feelings rather than try to suppress them. Mindfulness practices can help kids to improve their self-awareness.

* Collaborative approach: With no video games, the kids are going to feel a big gaping hole in their lives and they need to feel it with something good. As parents and family, we need to support our kids by engaging them in some fun and healthy activities. It might even require the parents and others to give up on their screen time for the period of detoxing.

* Establish strict rules: After the period of detoxing, think carefully about what you want your kids to do. Involve them in the discussion too. Help them set some clear rules. As a parent, sometimes it might be easy to give in, but remember all the positive, healthy experiences your kid has had without the devices and encourage more of those activities in their lives

Thank you for reading! Kindly send in your feedback, questions or any topic that you would like to address to innerpeacegy@gmail.com. If you would like personal counselling or therapy sessions (online and in-person), please call me at 6139255.