IF you have a young daughter, what kind of relationship do you have with her? How do you treat her? What positive influences are you making on her childhood? Do you realise that you can help shape the type of woman she becomes? Do you care about the woman she becomes? Do you realise your paternal responsibility?

When children are young and cute, they are easy to manage, but time flies by quickly, and, before you know it, your little girl is hitting puberty and taking the stepping stones to womanhood. Fathers need to be prepared for the different stages of their daughter’s development so they can interact with them accordingly and respectfully – with affirming contributions, encouragement and love.
Some men think it makes them look ‘soft’ to show affection to women and children; they believe men should appear stern so children will ‘know their place’. These Fathers seem unapproachable to children and hard to relate to and girls in particular, may grow with a narrow view of men.

When fathers are involved and interested in their daughters (along with mothers), there is balance in their lives. They are more self-assured and confident; they feel protected, appreciated and loved. Fathers are the first example of manhood that girls will encounter and from which they will make an assessment of men. Fathers should play a purposeful role in their daughters’ lives from the day they are born.

Abusive fathers can damage their girl children for life. Consistent aggression or physical abuse could result in girls having a hatred for all men. A toxic environment where a girl child is afraid to speak or is unsure of what will happen next can lead to anxiety, personality disorders, alcohol or substance abuse in later life. These childhood traumas are real, even if the child is unaware of the damage caused by these experiences.

When the damage is manifest in adulthood, people may say, “You see Tomeka eye? Like she-man knock she. I don’t know what’s wrong with that girl, always picking up the rough, no good men who beat she, thief out she money and left she, like she head ain’t good”.
But Tomeka’s childhood might have been one where physical and verbal abuse was the norm – leading to her low self-esteem and her acceptance of domestic violence. Children live what they learn, and the adults in their lives are the first teachers.
If Tomeka’s father had showed interest in her from an early age – ensuring her childhood experiences were pleasant and meaningful, she might have garnered the ability to make better choices. Having interest does not require a father to have heaps of money, to buy her presents, or entertain her regularly.

It requires him to be consistent, reliable, involved, fair-minded, open and understanding, while he bonds and shares quality time with his daughter. Time which cannot be bought or sold; a father’s presence needs to be felt. Children need dependable people in their lives more than they need fancy clothes, fast foods, treats and other distractions with which they can be ‘spoilt’.

They need a hug when they are hurt and someone to hold their hand and guide them when they walk along or cross the road. These little gestures of affection make them feel cared for and special. Even if a father is no longer with the mother, he can still seek a relationship with his daughter, not for his sake or the mother’s sake but for the sake of the child.

Children are not interested in adult emotional baggage; they want to be protected, appreciated and cherished by the two people who love them most. The child’s welfare should be the parents’ priority and would be if they could see past their hang-ups, pride and emotions.

The more calming and understanding fathers are, the closer the bond will be with their daughters. Girls need dads they can speak to and confide in without fear or judgement – fathers they can laugh with and who will teach them the rudiments of life. Of course, girls do not know what they need to enhance their upbringing and make them into better women; that task is for their parents.

However, a good father-daughter relationship can produce a strong and confident woman as he helps shape her self-esteem, self-image and most importantly, her opinion of men. Some fathers become over-protective when their daughters reach adolescence and receive admiration from the opposite sex. Instead of talking through the pitfalls and foreseeable problems that this new exciting world could entail, they prefer to lock their daughters away, presumably to keep them safe from boys.

Adolescent boys and girls will congregate, ‘lime’ and spend time together, regardless of what mothers and fathers think, say or do.
But if a good father-daughter relationship exists, he can rely on her to make sensible choices and to talk to him about any concerns she may have.

When fathers put the correct measures in place, they can reap the rewards of a meaningful relationship with their daughters – one from which both of them can learn. Fathers may get things wrong from time to time, but they don’t have to be perfect – they have to be present.

If you are concerned about the welfare of a child, call the CPA hotline on 227 0979 or write to us at childcaregy@gmail.com
A MESSAGE FROM THE CHILDCARE AND PROTECTION AGENCY,
MINISTRY OF HUMAN SERVICES AND SOCIAL SECURITY