MOTHERS can help their sons have healthy relationships with girls and women. But they have to start while their boys are young. Teach boys to be fair and not to discriminate against girls just because they are girls. Girls should be treated with the same respect and dignity as everyone else and given the same opportunities. Children usually play together naturally, regardless of gender. It is parents who sometimes separate them and believe boys should play mainly with boys and girls likewise.
Boys and girls interact well when young and could do the same through their adolescent years when they understand the stages of their development and their transition into adulthood. However, problems can arise when young men have a warped comprehension of themselves and sexuality due to a lack of information from parents or because of outside influences.
Children take their lead from their parents. How a boy treats a girl has a lot to do with how he sees his father treat his mother and the environment he is exposed to. Unfortunately, the minibus culture exposes young people to lewd music, which colours their imagination. Young boys may believe that girls have only one thing to offer boys and men, and young girls may think there is only one asset worth having. Lewd music very seldom mentions companionship or getting to know a woman properly; choosing a partner for life, or mutual love and respect for a person.
The intention is to give young people a covert peep into a sexual world—a world where those who do not know better will be influenced. Nothing positive or productive is ever taught or learnt from such music. Young men need practical information about love, life and sex, and mothers, in particular, can guide them in the right way regarding how to treat girls and women. They can teach their sons that it is not okay to accept or laugh when derogatory remarks are made about girls; they should feel confident enough to challenge them and not go along with the belittling of women.

Some boys behave negatively towards girls and say things to act big amongst their peers– they have the illusion that it makes them seem more manly, but it doesn’t. Every man comes from a woman, so why put them down? Without females, there would be no procreation. The world is full of women and men for a purpose and a balance – can you imagine a world without girls or women? It would be a dull and possibly violent place fueled by male testosterone.
In Guyanese culture, you hear people telling boys, ‘stop crying like a girl’ or ‘you doing such and such like a girl’ as if girls are inferior to boys or do not measure up because they are not physically as strong. Girls are different from boys; that is a fact, but that doesn’t mean they have nothing to offer or add to society or should be treated as second class citizens. The adage says: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. But if boys and men had to put up with the negative behaviour that women and girls frequently deal with from men, they would either react aggressively or avoid going to areas where they know women will ‘trouble’ them.
Mothers can help their sons be self-assured and not shy or withdrawn, so they can communicate with people regardless of who they may be – female, elder, stranger or diplomat, genuinely. Help them be themselves, and feel comfortable in their skin – so that standing up for themselves or others, if they need to, will come naturally. Boys are impressionable, so make sure they have positive role models in their lives. A successful man or men they can emulate and talk to if they have questions or concerns. As much as moms can guide, protect and be a willing shoulder to cry on, they cannot be a male substitute.

At times boys will need to be firm with the different types of people who will come into and affect their world; they must learn resilience. People can be manipulative, dishonest or deceitful. They may find out the hard way that not all people are ‘nice’.
Moms can help their sons realise that, just like him, girls have feelings too – that should be taken into consideration. Imagining how others may feel through his actions and words or putting himself in their shoes will help boys be thoughtful and think before acting or speaking.
Violence and aggression is always the wrong way to solve a problem, so teach boys to find the space and take the time to think things through for lasting solutions. This lesson is learnt when boys witness their parents’ actions and reactions to situations. Role modelling is the most subliminal yet profound way to teach positive attributes to a child. It is no good for a father who hits his wife to tell his son never to hit a woman. The boy is more likely to do as his father does and not as he says.
The responsibility of raising a well-adjusted, well-mannered and thoughtful man can be difficult in our fast-paced society. Still, mothers and fathers have a duty to do what they can today for their children’s future.

If you are concerned about the welfare of a child, call the CPA hotline on 227 0979 or write to us at childcaregy@gmail.com
A MESSAGE FROM THE CHILDCARE AND PROTECTION AGENCY,
MINISTRY OF HUMAN SERVICES AND SOCIAL SECURITY