Hello Readers!
WITHIN every one of my columns, lectures, speeches and outreaches, I like to think that there is an unspoken message of the importance of words; how they can both uplift and derail us. However, (based on some behaviours I saw during the holidays), I was thinking that today may be a good day to openly reiterate this message.
It is not a topic that people love to talk about because we are all guilty at one point or another; we say unkind things that we know would harm others. Sometimes it’s intentional, while at other times it’s in the heat of the moment. Either way, the impression and effects are the same.

The repercussions of simple words are unparalleled. We don’t think of it often as it comes so naturally to us, but our words are the most powerful thing. Words can be weapons that carry enormous weight and impacts everyone around us. They can give people the courage to overcome obstacles or the feeling of hopelessness to give up.
I believe the widely popular saying, “sticks and stones may break my bones but words never hurt” is the most ridiculous statement ever invented. In time, physical wounds heal and may even be forgotten. The same cannot be said for cruel and unkind words. These replay in our minds for decades to come and sometimes scar us for life. They create low self-esteem and self-confidence, high anxiety and stress levels, self-hatred, aggressive behaviour, depressive symptoms and even suicidal thoughts.
Unfortunately, we tend to believe the negative before the positive. We internalise these opinions and begin to see ourselves through the eyes of others.

I want to make a few things clear. I love Guyana. I grew up here; this is my home and even though I can, I would not like to live anywhere else. It is also home to the nicest people I have ever met. However, I have been fortunate enough to live in two other continents for long periods and I can say with full confidence, that Guyanese treat each other with such disrespect and say the most hateful things when upset. It’s actually not a normal thing around the world to casually abuse someone when angry. Of course, abuse happens everywhere and there is cruelty far worse globally — but in my personal experience — hell hath no fury like a Guyanese scorned.

Secondly, this piece is not coming from a judgemental place as I too am guilty of saying cruel words when I’m upset. I’ve lost or almost lost so many treasured people in my life because of this. Many things could be the reason for this — my environment, my childhood, or the company I choose to have — then and now. The same goes for many of you. However, who we are, including what we say, is ultimately a choice that only we can make. We can choose to motivate and uplift others rather than push them down. It is much easier to jump down from a table to someone else’s level than it is to pull them up to ours. That action is true strength.

It is also important to remember that cruel words create a vicious cycle for everyone. Basically, cruelty breeds cruelty. I know that when my day is started with harsh words directed at me, it affects everyone else around me. My patience is thinner than usual, my tone of voice is harsher and I can be downright unapproachable. Sometimes I feel that it’s not exactly my fault, that I was pushed to that point. But wasn’t it my fault? Should I allow others to cause me to upset those I care about? Should any of us?

Some justify it by calling it ‘tough love,’ but this method of reinforcement does not minimise problematic behaviour but instead aggravates it.
Overall, we can all do better. When we say we can’t, it basically just means we think it is too much effort to actually try. Everyone is capable, granted some with more effort than others, to take the high road. We have at our disposal a power that can change lives, make an ill spirit healthy, inspire success, provide guidance, improve relationships and create a lasting impression of us as kind and worthy people. That power is the power of words. Be the change. Can you think of a time that you have severely hurt someone with words? Well, that’s okay — I’m sure we all can. Maya Angelou said, “You did then what you knew how to do. When you knew better, you did better.” These few words allowed me to forgive myself for all my wrongdoings and to appreciate that I’m not the same person who said those things- that we can all evolve into what we want to be.

Doing this is not easy- it is an overall life change. Frank Outlaw said it best – ‘”Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions, they become habits. Watch your habits, they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.”
The choice is yours. How will our words impact others?
Thank you for reading. Please keep sending any topics you’d like to talk about to caitlinvieira@gmail.com. If you would like personal counselling sessions, please contact me on 623 0433

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