SOMETIMES even the most even-tempered and understanding parents can have a wayward son or daughter; A child who clearly defies the morals and guidance set by parents and followed by their siblings and family members. Wayward children can easily become involved in criminal activities. They are indifferent to lawful authority, preferring, usually, to bear the consequences of their actions after being left to their own devices.
One woman said: “My daughter ran away from home when she was 14 years old. I never saw it coming. We have our ups and downs but I don’t beat her, or call her any bad names or nothing. I treat her the same as her sisters. I allowed her to go to a party with her friend and they didn’t come home.
“At first, I was sick with worry, you know, like any mother. I thought someone gone with her and I imagine all kinds of things. I made a report at the police station and gave them all the details, but they didn’t seem half as concerned as me. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat. I kept wondering whether she was alive or dead. Was my child staying away from me because she was kidnapped? I did not believe she would deliberately put me through such a horrible ordeal.

“After a few days or so, I received reports from people who had seen her here and there. The relief I felt in knowing that she was alive was mixed with anger. Why was she doing this to me? Surely, she knew I’d be worried for her safety. About eight days after she’d left home, the police called me to say they had picked her up and they had her at the station. “It’s hard to describe the gamut of emotions I was experiencing as I made my way to collect her. I was about to be reunited with my daughter and yet, it felt like a stranger. It was not the daughter I knew two weeks ago. Something had changed; something was happening in her life that I was unaware of, and it had taken her away from me. “Arriving at the station, I told the officer at the desk who I was and why I was there. He wrote in his book and asked me again, as if he hadn’t heard correctly, ‘You are her mother?’ I said yes. Maybe he was expecting a big, loud, enraged person who was ready to give her daughter two good slaps and a thump for ‘running away with man’ as seems to be the reason why so many young girls take off.

“My daughter was brought to me by a female officer. She was wearing different clothes to the ones I last saw her in, and she had a defiant and smug look on her face. It was as if she was saying, ’Nothing that happens to me from now on is going to affect me, they can say and do as they like; I don’t care’.
“My fears were confirmed when her father, who does not live with us, came around to say his piece. They’ve never had a good bond, so I wasn’t expecting miracles. But she listened and looked at him with the same smug attitude and my heart grew heavy with more pain.
“My consolation and only comfort was the fact that I knew in my heart that I did everything within my power to raise my daughter the right way. She had chosen a wayward route at a young age and I was devastated. It took some getting used to when she eventually opted to go into a children’s home. It was either that or she would be on the streets mixing with the wrong crowd and I would be sick with worry.

“Thankfully, she never got into criminal activity and today she is a grown, working woman of whom I am proud. Over the years, she has expressed her adolescent emotions, and explanations for the decisions she made. We have an understanding relationship but I still wonder, what I missed and where I went wrong? I believe I shared my love equally between my children.
“Sometimes adolescents abandon the morals and values they grew with to go their own way and do their own thing. This behaviour can be related to undetected sexual abuse within a family or by a relative, or it can be a period of rebellion by the child. Growing children question many of the things they accepted and took for granted when young; and in some cases, they need to be apart from their family.

“This may cause heartache and anxiety for the parents, but they are not the first nor will they be the last parents who spawn a wayward child/adolescent. When one child goes astray it is easy to neglect the others at home, who need care and attention, so parents must stay focused. They should not blame themselves or feel shame or guilt for the choices their unruly children make.
“If the child wishes to return home, it should be with the understanding that ground rules and boundaries are acknowledged. However, the adult/child relationship will never be the same. “Some young people take advice, and proceed with caution while others dive in the deep end and hopefully learn from their mistakes. Love your child regardless of their personality”. If you are concerned about the welfare of a child, call the CPA hotline on 227 0979 or write to us at childcaregy@gmail.com

A MESSAGE FROM THE CHILDCARE AND PROTECTION AGENCY,
MINISTRY OF HUMAN SERVICES AND SOCIAL SECURITY