I WOULD have never thought that talking to a child could be difficult, and the fact that I’m the father of the child only makes it worse. My palms are sweating, and although I’m hungry, my stomach feels full. I’m not looking forward to this encounter, but it has to be done. I can’t put it off any longer.
He will be here soon, and now my throat feels dry; I better drink some water. That’s better. Peering through the window, I can see them coming down the street, my son and his sister. He’s walking in front, in his usual big brother manner. She tries to slap his shoulder but misses because he saw it coming and ducked away from her. He jeers, she scowls and chases him all the way home; they’re here at the front door. Soon our talk will begin.
We live in a sexualised society. Every day children are exposed to sexual images, language, and music through media, minibuses and subliminally in advertisements and cartoons. Due to this bombardment, children gain a fair amount of knowledge about sexual behaviours, intercourse and intimacies long before they are developmentally ready to understand these. In most cases, their childhood is infiltrated and robbed of its magic and innocence before they have reached adolescence.
Children are heavily influenced by the adult behaviours and attitudes they see around them. They are further guided by popular culture, their environment and their peers. To ensure they receive the correct information, parents should have age-appropriate talks with them about sex as they grow. These conversations should be natural – the subject of sex should not be taboo.
They are changing their school clothes, and then he’ll come out here to sit with me on the verandah; I hope I haven’t left it too late. Maybe I should have approached the subject a little bit at a time while he was growing. We’ve got a good connection; that would have worked. But now I have to find the right words so that neither of us is embarrassed by this talk.
A boy in his class had a ‘wet dream’, and as children do, he discussed his strange and new phenomenon with his peers, one of which was my son. These boys are only ten and eleven years old, but you can’t control the age at which puberty begins, can you? Anyway, he came home and asked his mum loads of questions about his bodily functions.
Long story short, here I am tasked with doing the honours. They say to be fore-warned is to be fore-armed; this is something I have to do to protect him. I want him to be fore-armed because I love and care about him. I want him to make informed choices. My palms are sweating again, but I must stay calm. I can hear his footsteps in the passage; in the living room; he is looking for me; he has spotted me on the verandah.
Here he comes, I’ll put on a welcoming smile. ‘Hey buddy, you had a good day at school?’. He replies, ‘Not bad, but a bit boring…next week is sports’. He throws himself in the hammock opposite me. It’s now or never.
Healthy sexual advice begins with teaching children how their body will change during puberty and how the body prepares itself for procreation. It happens to every healthy person on the planet. Girls have periods to prepare their wombs for conception, and boys have ‘wet dreams’ and produce sperm to aid conception- they need each other to copulate and make a baby.
Sexual urges usually arise during adolescence, but young people do not have to give into them. Abstaining from sexual intercourse is the best option. Regardless of what their peers do, young people should never feel pressured into sexual activity. Sexually active young people should stick to one partner and use contraception to avoid unwanted pregnancies and Sexually Transmitted Infections.
Just to make sure the coast is clear, I ask. ‘So, what is your sister up to?’. He replies, ‘She’s taking a five. She wants me to wake her at 6, so she can finish off her homework’. Great, well, here I go; I need to say the right words. “Your mum told me you’ve been asking her questions about your body. It’s only natural to be curious, so that’s okay. What did you want to know?’.
That felt surprisingly good, natural, and it flowed well; my palms are dry, but what will he say? I can see his face, and he looks thoughtful; that’s a good sign. His pre-adolescent voice begins, ‘I told mum about the boy in my class… he wet his bed, but he says it wasn’t pee and something about sex…, but I don’t understand’.
Here’s my chance to fill in the blanks, be supportive and pass on useful information. ‘Okay, son’, I keep my tone even and friendly, ‘Let me explain, ….’ He sits up in the hammock, paying attention and formulating questions for me in his mind. I mustn’t get too technical, but give just enough food for (ten-year-old) thought’. I’m so glad I took this initiative.
IMAGINATION COMPETITION
The Childcare and Protection Agency in collaboration with UNICEF held an IMAGINATION COMPETITION late last year. Children Aged 9-17 submitted over 96 entries of poems, artwork and short stories based on what should be done to eliminate child abuse and exploitation in Guyana. The winners are: Aryan Ali (12) Renika Anand (15) for their Short Stories. Coleen Winter (12) Dave Nickel Chowtie (13) for their Poetry. Amesha Allie (10) Shamar Sampson (13) for their Artwork.
We take this opportunity to sincerely thank all entrants.
If you are concerned about the welfare of a child call the CPA hotline on 227 0979 or write to us at childcaregy@gmail.com
A MESSAGE FROM THE CHILDCARE AND PROTECTION AGENCY,
MINISTRY OF HUMAN SERVICES AND SOCIAL SECURITY
