LATELY, I’ve been thinking a lot about the people in my life and how they have specifically influenced me. I thought about who brings out the best in me and who brings out the worst.
Solely not to put the blame just on myself or others, I asked myself how much are we really influenced by others? How do we influence others? How important are those relationships? The answer to all is very much.

The people around us can influence (not create or control) our thoughts, emotions, and behaviours.
I believe that the company we keep says a lot about us; birds of a feather and all. I don’t think we necessarily do it on purpose, we just tend to surround ourselves with what we want and like – this can be both conscious and unconscious. On occasions, we can choose. If you would like to have a healthy, fun day- eat well and go to the gym etc., you are going to call your most strong-willed friend. If you want to have a lot of fun and probably make bad decisions, you are going to call your wildest friend.
However, sometimes these choices aren’t as obvious and conscious as we would like them to be. Some people affect us without us even knowing. Some people allow us to be kinder, while others encourage our darker sides to come out.

We all want to feel as though we are in full control of every aspect of our lives but the truth is, our influences may have more control than we would like to admit. From the time we are born, our personalities are developed based on and around who raises us and who we surround ourselves with – our parents, siblings, friends etc. A good influence will have a positive attitude toward your growth. They see your potential and help you grow it. They will encourage and motivate you. Most importantly, they will support you when you have setbacks.
I believe that friends are the major influences in our lives as these are the people we choose the most. Not many can choose their family or co-workers. Half of the world doesn’t even choose their spouses, but most of us choose our friends. Friends, both past and present, have shaped us into who we are. I actually only went to London to continue my education simply because a friend told me she was doing so and suggested that I look into it as well. That changed my whole path in life. One person did that.

One thing I hope you all know by now is that we cannot control other people’s thoughts or actions. This means it’s up to you to ensure that you make the best decisions possible – for you and everyone else around you. Although we do not have full control over our influences, we have full control over who and how we influence.
It takes effort to have control, but not much to have or be influenced. This makes our ability to influence others much more important than our ability to control. We influence people by who we are, what we do or say around them — without even trying and that is a super power. The most important thing is to pay attention to whether our influence is good or bad.
I believe that someone is always watching us and will be likely to mimic what we do. I believe that attitudes and behaviours are passed on — good or bad. I believe that if I let a driver enter my lane in front of me that he would be more likely to let someone else enter shortly after. Even our mood can influence others. We tend to pull people toward the direction that we are internally heading. It takes one with exceptional resilience skills to pull someone in their internal direction without being affected themselves.

It is difficult advice to tell people to be around only positive influences as it is a bit unrealistic. Some people are simply toxic with their constant complaining or gossiping, negativity or putting us down. Even worse, sometimes we don’t have control as to whether they are around us. However, we can do our best to stay positive or keep distance.
Do you feel as if you don’t have many good influences around? The simplest solution would be to become one yourself.
A positive attitude goes a long way to influence those around you. People are often turned off by negativity, anger and unpleasantness. People want others around them to be pleasant. Lead by example. I feel most people like the saying “do what I say and not as I do” which is just noise. Leading by example shows others that it can be done. Show others how to be positive and kind — these are contagious.

Be happy and supportive for and to others that are also setting good examples. There is enough greatness to be shared in the world.
Respond healthily rather than react. When we hear something we don’t like, a typical response is an aggressive one. Being a good influence means to keep composed and be objective. Defend yourself with knowledge rather than aggression. Handle yourself with respect.
Have manners – that also goes a long way

Keep in mind that we are all human and all make mistakes –- which is okay. If you still want to be a good influence after making a mistake, simply admit them, accept them, make an apology, seek forgiveness and then learn from the mistake.
Being a positive influence and force does not mean that you yourself do not experience sadness, anger, loneliness etc., it just simply means you adopt healthier ways of dealing with such problems– ways that can be passed down to anyone.
Studies done by sociologists have shown that the typical individual will influence an average of 10,000 people in their lifetimes. What kind of influence are you?

Thank you for reading. Please keep sending any topics you’d like to talk about to caitlinvieira@gmail.com. If you’d like personal counselling sessions with me, please call or whatsapp +592 623 0433
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