IT was a radio phone-in programme, and the subject was male sexual abuse. The presenter did not expect many callers; he was aware of how taboo this subject is among men. But he also knew it was a topic that needed a platform. As long as the producers backed him, he was willing to help his potential callers discuss a matter that had touched his childhood and had affected his social-emotional development.

To look at the well-groomed presenter, you would never guess he had a traumatic experience as a child when he found himself alone in a changing room with his football coach. The man started to touch him intimately, but the boy’s quick thinking and a timely distraction got him out of that disturbing situation. He made a report, and the coach was convicted and sentenced. Now he was grown, married with two children and another on the way. His wife, an equally successful broadcaster, was the other half of this model couple.

The switchboard lit up as calls trickled in – each one intercepted by his assistant who checked for authenticity before allowing them on air. The first caller, a youth aged 19 started, ‘You can call me Stewart, but that’s not my real name…I want to thank you for bringing up this topic because it might prevent child abuse and help people in the same position as me.’

‘Well, thanks for calling Stewart’ the presenter replied, ‘I’m grateful you rang in, what would you like to share?
Stewart continued nervously. ‘I was nearly six (years old) when a man sexually assaulted me… It was a family friend, a person who used to drink with my father from as far back as I can remember. After this thing happened, I was confused, I knew something was wrong, but I did as he told me, I didn’t tell anyone.’
The presenter listened without interruption as the youth continued. “My life has felt like a burden all through my childhood and even now … I’ve even thought about ending it, but I know it would kill my parents if I did something like that…” his voice wavered as he concluded his sentence. “So I just keep going.”
There was a short silence, and the presenter suspected that Stewart was holding back tears and fighting to gather composure.

After a pause, he continued. “The family friend, the one who abused me, he moved to Canada, and some time ago we heard he got jailed for indecent assault. Next thing we heard, he’d died. I should have been happy, the monster who interfered with me was dead, but my hurt didn’t go away.
It took a long time for me to get up enough courage to tell my parents what he’d done when I was small; I’d kept it inside so long, I had to say something.” The presenter knew the courage it took for Stewart to share his experience live on radio. He interceded.

“Stewart, first of all, I want to tell you how brave it is that you called to share your story…No child, or adult for that matter, should have to endure sexual abuse, and so many, like you, keep it to themselves for years, even decades. Secondly, Stewart, it might feel like you are the only one who has experienced such an awful ordeal. It was a heinous irreproachable crime committed against you, an innocent child. But, I want you to know you’re not alone. There are others who have suffered sexual abuse, and they’re still suffering. But you, Stewart, you’re taking the first step; you are speaking out and believe me you are inspiring other people to do the same.”

“But how do they live with that pain?” Stewart questioned. “I struggle with the memory every day… When I told my parents, they were devastated…it took them weeks to get over it, weeks of crying, not eating, praying…I tell you, seeing my parents like that were the toughest weeks of my life. They blamed themselves for not protecting me; my father cried like a baby.”
“Stewart”, the presenter said with empathy, “…what can I say? I’m so sorry your family had to go through that trauma, but I fully understand why you felt they had to know and somehow I think I’m detecting a little more confidence in your voice …, much more than when we started our conversation. I don’t want to jump the gun…but am I right? Is there is a brighter road ahead?”

“We are taking small steps as a family.” Stewart explained. “We’ve been seeing a counsellor each week for the past two months; sometimes together and sometimes alone, but I know it’s helping me and them…put it this way… we are getting there slowly, but surely.”
“…and that’s the most important thing,” the presenter concluded. “Stewart, you are a survivor. Sexual abuse is always the adult’s fault, and it doesn’t make you any less of a man, remember that! Thank you for calling in, I am sure you’ve inspired many listeners to seek help if they need it.

Support is available; you don’t have to carry around the pain of sexual abuse for the rest of your life…and parents, be careful who you bring into your homes and beware of the people you call friends; some characters have ulterior motives. We’ll take a break and come back with more calls after these messages.”
If you are concerned about the welfare of a child call the CPA hotline on 227 0979 or write to us at childcaregy@gmail.com
A MESSAGE FROM THE CHILDCARE AND PROTECTION AGENCY,
MINISTRY OF HUMAN SERVICES AND SOCIAL SECURITY