THERE are many social attitudes surrounding men, boys and sexual abuse. One myth is that boys who are sexually abused by men become men who sexually abuse boys. But this is not true. Sexual assault can happen to anyone, any age, any gender, any sexual orientation. It is a more despicable act when it happens to a child, because adults should protect children, not abuse them. Children carry the pain and trauma of the abuse for the rest of their lives. It affects their socio-emotional development, their outlook on life, and their sense of self-worth. 

Boys do not like to speak about sexual abuse; they sometimes feel that it makes them less of a man (or the man they will become). This is due to the stereotyping surrounding men and masculinity. But survivors of sexual abuse, regardless of who they are, have many of the same feelings, reactions and fears.

Men sometimes feel that they did not do enough to prevent the abuse, and they might relive the attack over and over again, imagining that they should have put up more of a fight or resistance. But boys do not have that opportunity, as they are usually totally overpowered by their perpetrator; or so far gone into the psychological effects of grooming, that they comply, in the belief that the perpetrator either cares for them or loves them.

When the child becomes an adult, the coercion part of the relationship becomes more apparent. They partook in a relationship that they did not fully understand.
This type of conduct is happening today in different regions of Guyana; boys and young men are being coerced into relationships with men, or being sexually assaulted or attacked, but they never disclose the incident. Parents should tell their sons about this type of behaviour, and teach them how to steer clear of advances from men. They must avoid being groomed, or entangled by a perpetrator.
One of the first lessons that boy children need to know is that it is good to be friendly with people; to have a laugh and joke, to share the company of their peers, but they must be aware of the importance of staying centred. Staying centred means they should not imitate or follow their peers, and they must rely on their judgement at all times. They must remain alert, and be conscious of the things that are going on around them; even when they are partaking of the fun and jollities, they must not lose their head.

Boy children need to part of a stable relationship with a trustworthy, reliable male role model; it doesn’t have to be their father, but it must be a man whom they look up to, and with whom they have bonded. Positive males are never too many in a boy’s life; a grandfather, uncle, older brother, a step-father or neighbor. Boys need men. Having said that, the incredible role that single-mothers achieve when they rear sons must not be overlooked; nevertheless, boys learn about being a man from men.

Parents should teach their sons about inappropriate touching (age-appropriately), from the time they can understand that private parts are private. They should learn to report any such incident to their mother, father or caregiver. There is no need to make your child feel paranoid about being touched or frightened; it is a topic that should be approached in a ‘matter-of-fact’ way, making sure they understand and repeat, ‘No one must touch my private parts, but me’.
Boy children should grow with this assertion, and feel comfortable about their sexuality. When we give children useful information, they feel cared for and cherished; they realise the advice will enable them to keep safe, and help them make sensible decisions.

Building that type of confidence at a young age in children will give parents a platform for introducing the function of the reproduction system when they reach pre-adolescence. As they grow older, subjects such as sexual intercourse and the use of contraception should be easier to tackle.
Your child may live in a safe environment, and you may know where he is at every given moment; you may also know all the people he comes into contact with daily. Nevertheless, boy children should still learn that no one must touch their private parts, even if it is shared as a precautionary measure, rather than not instill this information at all.

Boy children and young men who are raped, or sexually assaulted may have questions and concerns about their sexual orientation, even though they were not to blame for the attack. They also stand the likelihood of suffering from anxiety, flashbacks, and depression. If the perpetrator is a woman, the survivor may feel he was complicit in the act, and therefore was not violated; this confusion is natural. People often accept that when a woman rapes a boy or young man, that it is his ‘rite of passage’. But forced sexual intercourse against a person’s will is a crime punishable by law under the Sexual Offences Act (2010).
If you are concerned about the welfare of a child, call the CPA hotline on 227 0979, or write to us at childcaregy@gmail.com.
A MESSAGE FROM THE CHILDCARE AND PROTECTION AGENCY,
MINISTRY OF HUMAN SERVICES AND SOCIAL SECURITY