I RECEIVED an email from an avid reader who claims to be in a long-distance relationship which is causing significant stress.

Having been in one myself in the past, I understand the pain and strain it can cause.
I’m going to share some tips that worked for me and my partner, hoping that it will work for you as well.

Many people believe that long-distance relationships won’t and don’t work. A lot of people even discourage them or refuse to participate in them. However, there are many things one can do to prove this belief wrong.

I’m not necessarily saying it’s going to be easy but what is really? We have to work hard for everything we want in life; love being no different.

People can feel sad and lonely in these types of relationships but with technology these days, it saves us from these feelings. Even if you don’t have access to the newest technology or even the internet, it is still workable.

To me, distance makes the simplest things the sweetest. Daily messages, letters and calls suddenly mean so much. People think you have to be in constant conversation to make this type of relationship work but you don’t, you simply have to have the right conversations every time you have the chance.

You can view this as an opportunity for your relationship. Believe me, you cannot live harmoniously together until you learn how to be apart. Being apart increases healthy communication and intimacy. There is a famous quote which says “I would rather be here, far away from you, but feeling really close, rather than close to you but feeling really far away”.

Also, just as importantly, look at it as an opportunity for you to grow as an individual. There is a huge personal benefit of cultivating your own friendships and interests. Not only is it personally beneficial but it also brings more to your relationship.

There needs to be mutual respect and trust in any relationship but this is especially important in a long-distance one. How do you handle this? Set some ground rules that manage your expectations. This does not mean to control the other person- what they do or where they go but rather, let them know what you need to feel emotionally satisfied.
Try to communicate creatively- there are so many ways to do this, phone, texts, email, social media or my favourite, old-time written letters and postcards. Mix it up and keep things interesting.

Do things together, watch the same movie at the same time, read the same books, play online games, play games over the phone – you can still spend quality time from a distance.

Stay honest with each other, nothing breaks trust and respect faster than lies. Be honest about your feelings and what’s going on in your life.

Don’t have too rigid of a communication schedule. This might work for some people but it did not work for me. You speak when you can or speak only when you want. There is nothing more useless and hurtful than a forced conversation.

Create a bucket list together- things that you will do next time you see each other. This is healthy to identify shared interests as well as gives you both something to look forward to. However, even though you have a list of things you want to do together, do not put your own life on hold. No doubt that distance requires sacrifice but too much causes resentment.

Finally and most importantly, stay confident and positive in your relationship. Positive energy creates positive outcomes. Insecurity will ruin all the work you’ve already committed to putting in. If you or your partner didn’t want to be in the relationship, you wouldn’t be. Gratitude for the relationship also makes the distance easier – practise this every day.

One more thing- make sure you always say good morning and good night. Even if you don’t talk for the rest of the day, it’s always nice starting and ending your day with love.

Thank you for reading and please continue to send your topics to caitlinvieira@gmail.com. If you would like to book a private appointment with me, please text or WhatsApp 623-0433