Dear Editor,
WHEN addressing different aspects of equality amongst different groups of people, we must also inspect the difficulties that they face in order to put things in place to help those individuals. When talking about sexual abuse or rather abuse in general, we tend to only think about it as something that affects women.

This is not to discredit or belittle women’s struggles or achievements in working towards making safe places for women that have experienced sexual abuse. On the contrary, this piece was written to address Gender-Based Violence towards all genders, with an emphasis on men and boys, since their stories are seldom highlighted. Men and boys face sexual abuse, whether it is at home, at school or in relationships etc., and their issues aren’t treated with the same gravity as women’s issues are.

Also, men aren’t given access to, and aren’t granted, a safe place to talk about their experiences and the emotional trauma they’ve endured. This is especially essential in the recovery process and overall mental health of men that have been through similar experiences. By starting this conversation, I hope that our society comes together, and is not only educated on these issues but also give empathy and support to victims of abuse regardless of gender.

Gender-based violence is violence that is directed at an individual, based on his or her biological sex OR gender identity. It includes physical, sexual, verbal, emotional, and psychological abuse, threats, coercion, and economic or educational deprivation, whether occurring in public or private life. So gender-based violence can be women to man, man to woman, man to man etc. The 16 Days of Activism Against Gender-Based Violence is an international campaign coordinated by the Center for Women’s Global Leadership, and used by activists around the world as an organising strategy to call for the elimination of all forms of gender-based violence. The core 16-day campaign takes place every year between November 25 and December 10, and is run by more than 6,000 organiations in 187 countries.

During this time, there are a lot of activities in which people play an active role in helping to break the chain of violence that exists in society. For instance, the ‘Walk a Mile in Her Shoes’ campaign was launched as a means for men to play an active role in helping to bring awareness to violence against women. The event featured men walking in variations of high-heeled shoes in an act of solidarity with women, while also enduring a small amount, figuratively, of the pain that women endure living in our society.

Since most reported cases of domestic abuse is man-to-woman. This walk also solidifies that other men can give support to and act as safe-keepers for women that are going through abuse. We as a society, and specifically men, should take a stand against all forms of violence against women, whilst not ignoring the fact that men face the same issues of violence as well.

The “Me Too” movement, which focuses on the experiences of sexual violence survivors, has earned a large response precisely because sexual harassment and sexual assault impact people every day. By sharing their own experiences, the Movement’s proponents hope to show just how common sexual harassment is. The hope is that, if people are more aware of sexual harassment and how casually it is sometimes treated, then tolerance for it will decrease and support for victims will rise. The Movement also highlights how rape culture and toxic masculinity affect society.

Rape Culture is a concept for a setting in which rape is pervasive and normalised due to societies attitudes about gender and sexuality. Behaviours commonly associated with rape culture include victim blaming, slut-shaming, sexual objectification, trivialising rape, denial of widespread rape, refusing to acknowledge the harm caused by sexual violence, or some combination of these. Examples of rape culture would be:- People who believe that girls “allow themselves to be raped.”(victim blaming), Street harassment and how victims are told that they’re “overreacting” when they call it out (sexual objectification) and Sexual assault prevention education programs that focus on women being told to take measures to prevent rape instead of men being told not to rape.

Toxic masculinity is what can come of teaching boys that they can’t express emotion openly; that they have to be “tough all the time”; that anything other than that makes them “feminine” or weak. Toxic masculinity is also “boys will be boys” (not making men take accountability for their actions, and blaming it on their sex), saying that men are sexual creatures, and that the only thing on their mind is sex, and also that fighting is how men and boys communicate instead of verbally. This thus limits men’s expressions to that of anger, frustration and domineering traits amongst many others.

This leads to men becoming emotionally underdeveloped. As Toxic Masculinity affects men and women alike, for women, this could lead to men expressing their “alpha” traits and cause emotional distress and in some cases, ends up as domestic abuse (their expressions of anger turning to violence), as well as cases of the typical excuse, that is “boys will be boys” which is normally used to justify cases of sexual harassment.

Since men are viewed to be sexual creatures, their sexually harassing women on the road with statements like “Wamin thickness! Ya downstairs looking tight and nice lemme come by you tonight.” or “Ya bamzee looking nice.” or even trying to coerce women by following them down the road, trying to speak with them and make said women uncomfortable. They feel as though they are allowed to do so because rape culture states that women are allowing this to happen because of the way they dress (victim blaming) and toxic masculinity states that men are sexual creatures and are thus entitled to women’s bodies.

The #Metoo movement has made its mark and has essentially given a voice to those that were either too afraid to speak on these issues or didn’t have a platform to speak their story. We sometimes forget that the #Metoo movement is also a safe space for boys and men to chime in and have their voices heard as well. Statistically, men are least expected to seek help in cases of domestic violence and/or sexual abuse. Toxic Masculinity is a major fact in men not reporting such instances where they are mentally, physically or sexually abused. Men are expected to be strong, to never cry and to always be able to take punches from whatever life throws at them. Society, because of toxic masculinity, tend to forget that men are just “human” and have the same emotional capacity as anyone else.

Rape is rooted in our patriarchal (male-run) society, and we seldom realise that rape culture and toxic masculinity affect men as well. For instance, most male rape victims would not come forward to the police out of feelings of shame. Typically, rape victims are negatively labelled as submissive or weak, thus male victims of the same crime, shy away from making a report as they also fear the stigmatization associated with rape, would then be placed on them as well. Not only this but when making the report police officers tend to make fun of them or don’t treat their case with due importance or urgency.

Men are also told that they are sex driven, and that they can’t be raped as men are supposed to always seek sexual intimacy and have several sexual partners. If they are raped, they “should have enjoyed it since it is still sex.” Rape, however, is not sex; it is an act of violence that is committed without a person’s consent. It is traumatizing, and has a lasting effect on a person’s mental health, and many people have to turn to therapy to cope with the aftermath. Some men that have been sexually assaulted or raped do not feel the need to seek therapy as they feel as though they were not affected by the trauma because they are a “man” and men do not need to go because they are “strong”.

All of this is rooted in Toxic Masculinity, expecting men to be able to always have the upper hand in cases of assault, especially if the assailant is a woman or to be able to emotionally disconnect from the trauma that occurred as a result. Society forgets that some women are in fact stronger physically than some men and can easily overpower them or that date rape is also a factor in in male rape cases. The fear that if they push the woman off and she in turn charges them for assault or that if they do not have sex they are less of a man so even without consent they choose not fight back.

In the case of Terry Crews, former NFL star and actor of the show Brooklyn Nine-Nine and Everybody hates Chris, who one would refer to as a “strong man” was assaulted by an Executive Director, but did not retaliate or speak out over the incident for fear of being ostracised or sent to jail. Men also are affected by instances of power play, where one abuses their authority, and in turn uses that authority to pressure someone into doing what they do not want to do, which was the case of Terry Crews.

There has also been cases where young boys were assaulted by teachers, and when the story hits social media, there were comments congratulating the young boy for the assault, instead of expressing disgust towards the teacher for perpetrating the act. Young boys are congratulated instead of given emotional support in cases of sexual assault or rape, especially if the perpetrator was a woman. Whilst on the other hand, the media tends to have a bigger outrage if a young girl is sexually assaulted in a school setting.

This is not to compare and contrast the two cases but the call attention to a matter to should have equal importance when being dealt with both in the media as well as all other aspects concerning the emotional and physical well-being of a child. Even Terry Crews was faced with others commenting on his case, specifically, the Rapper, 50 Cent stated that, because of Crews’ physique, he’d been surprised by the actor’s account of his experiences. “I wasn’t looking at Terry Crews that way at that point. I’m looking at the Hulk; the guy that’s this big, that is being taken advantage of.” In an interview to which Terry replied how size isn’t a factor in cases of sexual assault in another interview.

There is no denying that we as a society should come together and take a stand against rape culture and toxic masculinity as a means to aid in stopping cases of rape and sexual assault. During the 16 days of activism, we can all come together and provide support to victims, whether it’s through social media or getting your friends and doing Guyana’s first ‘Walk a Mile in Her Shoes’. We can all make a difference in someone else’s life, even with the smallest of things.

Yours Truly,
Rafaela Oviedopiter,
Teammate of ASPIRE Youth Network Guyana