AFTER my column on the Transgender community last week, a few transgendered individuals wrote to me thanking me for trying to ‘normalise’ it in Guyana. However, they continuously mentioned the stigma they face every day – enough to bring about mental health issues.

Well as much as I hate to say it, we can never control what others think, say or do but as we all know, we can control how we react to it. This got me thinking about resilience and its importance in good mental health.

As I always say, no one is immune to life’s stresses. Therefore, having a good life does not mean you do not experience any adversity or hardship but rather you can effectively and healthily deal with them. That is the only secret to a happy life.

Resilience is an individual’s ability to overcome and bounce back from hardship. It means you learn from your or other’s mistakes and come back harder and stronger. It means that you remain confident and optimistic after setbacks. Yes, it can be unpredictable- where some days we have more than others but this can change.
We are all born with inherent resilience – a natural one that from birth (and especially during childhood) which allows us continuous discovery of the world, even after getting hurt. However, as we age and inevitably experience difficultly, we need to find additional strength and strategies to adapt even more confidence to put ourselves out there, without knowing the return.

Of course some experiences may weaken resilience such as any form of abuse or mainly- unhealthy coping skills such as drinking alcohol, smoking cigarettes etc. However, looking on the bright side, this means that developing a strong level of resilience reduces drug abuse and a wide range of mental illnesses, as well as any physical symptoms that may stem from them. Resilience improves problem solving skills, social skills, positivity, motivation, efficiency and performance while providing a more realistic outlook on life.
If you feel your level of resilience is weak, have no fear- some things can be done to increase it.

Practising the basics for self-care definitely helps. This means to eat, sleep and exercise well. When we are physically healthy, we are more likely to be mentally healthy.
The most important thing anyone can do is develop healthy coping skills. If we cannot healthily deal with hardship, then we are not dealing with them at all. Adapt ones that relax you in particular – whether it be deep breathing, music and so on. Do things that make you feel good when you are upset. Make gratitude lists every day. It is always important to remember the things that we are grateful for in life as many of us tend to rather focus on what we lack.

Try and find a healthy mentor- someone you can look up to. Someone who you can watch healthily deal with their own mistakes and learn from it. This can be anyone- family, friends, co-workers etc. This also broadens your support system- something vital in overcoming obstacles.

Do some volunteering as this always puts things into perspective. Not only are you happier with yourself for your selfless act but you are also seeing how much worse things can be.
Be more positive and optimistic! See struggle as temporary rather than permanent…. because it is! Think of difficulty as a challenge and learn from all mistakes- there is a lesson in every one of them. Understand that it is more of how we perceive a situation rather than the situation itself that allows us feeling. Sometimes a combination of low self-esteem and negative thinking can distort the facts of the situation which results in emotional rather than rational responses.

Having said that, build your self-esteem and self-confidence. It is much easier to bounce back when you know you could. You can do this by simply avoiding negative self-talk (the gratitude list helps with this as well). If you wouldn’t say it to anyone else, do not say it to yourself. Remind yourself of all your good qualities as you have so many.

Please understand that there will still be times when we hurt. Understanding, accepting and embracing our emotions is vital in developing resilience. I had a wonderful conversation with a friend the other day- who taught me a bit about happiness. He said that no one experiences happiness all day or even every day for that matter. The trick is to find your “Spoonful of happiness.” This mean you find something small that may cause even the slightest bit of happiness and keep and use that feeling throughout the day. Once you get your spoonful a day, you can have this eternal happiness, and something to look forward to every day.

Thank you for reading and please send in any topics to caitlinvieira@gmail.com.
Suicide Prevention Helpline Numbers: 223-0001, 223-0009, 623-4444, 600-7896
Say Yes to Life and No to Drugs! Always!