WITHIN every one of my columns, classes, speeches and outreaches, I like to think that there is an unspoken message of the importance of words; how they can both uplift and derail us. However, I was thinking that today may be a good day to openly reiterate this message.
It’s not a topic that people love to talk about because we are all guilty of it at one point or another; we say unkind things that we know would have a negative impact on others. Sometimes it’s intentional while other times it’s in the heat of the moment. Either way, the impression is the same.

The repercussions of simple words are unparalleled. We don’t think of it often as it comes so naturally to us but our words are the most powerful thing. Words can be weapons that carry enormous weight and impacts everyone around us. Words can give people the courage to overcome obstacles or the feeling of hopelessness to give up.
I believe the saying “sticks and stones may break my bones but words never hurt” is the most unreasonable statement ever invented. In time, physical wounds heal and may even be forgotten. The same cannot be said for cruel and unkind words. These replay in our minds for decades to come and scar us for life. They create low self -esteem and self- confidence, high anxiety and stress levels, self- hatred, aggressive behaviour, depressive symptoms and even suicidal thoughts.
Unfortunately, we tend to believe the negative before the positive. We internalise these opinions and begin to see ourselves through the eyes of others.

I want to make two things clear. I love Guyana. I grew up here and this is my home. It is also home to the nicest people I have ever met. However, I have been fortunate enough to live in two other continents for long periods of time and I can say with full confidence, that Guyanese treat each other with such disrespect and say the most hateful things when upset. It’s actually not a normal thing around the world. Of course, abuse happens everywhere and there is cruelty far worse globally- but in my personal experience- hell hath no fury like a Guyanese scorned.
Secondly, this piece is not coming from a judgemental place as I too am guilty of saying cruel words when I’m upset. I’ve lost or almost lost so many treasured people in my life because of this. Many things could be the reason for this- my environment, the way I was raised or the company I choose to have. Same goes for many of you. However, who we are, including what we say is ultimately a choice that only we can make. We can choose to motivate and uplift others rather than push them down. It is much easier to jump down from a table to someone else’s level than it is to pull them up. That action is true strength.
It is also important to remember that cruel words create a vicious cycle for everyone. Basically, cruelty breeds cruelty. I know that when my day is started with harsh words directed to me, it affects everyone else around me. My patience is thinner than usual, my tone of voice is harsher and I can be downright unapproachable. Sometimes I feel that it’s not exactly my fault- that I was pushed to that point. But wasn’t it my fault? Should I allow others to cause me to upset those I care about? Should any of us?
Some justify it by calling it ‘tough love’ but this method of reinforcement does not minimise problematic behaviour but instead aggravates it.

‘It’s not what we say but how we say it’. I’m torn between loving and hating this saying. Furthermore, using the word hate is harsh, especially in a piece like this so I’m going to use the word dislike instead. Simple acknowledgements and changes like that is how we make the world a better place. As I was saying, I’m torn between this statement as your words do matter overall but I’ve also been told ‘nice to see you’ in a way that made me feel completely unwelcome and uncared for.

Overall, we can all be better. When we say we can’t, it basically just means we think it is too much effort to actually try. Everyone is capable, granted some with more effort than others, to take the high road. We have at our disposal a power that can change lives, make an ill spirit healthy, inspire success, provide guidance, improve relationships and create a lasting impression of us as kind and worthy people. That power is the power of words. Be the change.

Can you think of a time that you have severely hurt someone with words? Well, that’s okay- I’m sure we all can. Maya Angelou said “You did then what you knew how to do. When you knew better, you did better.” These few words allowed me to forgive myself for all my wrongdoings and to appreciate that I’m not the same person who said those things. As I have been saying- words are empowering and Angelou’s and my own have empowered me to make better and more positive life changes in regards to what I think, say and therefore do.

Doing this is not easy- it is an overall life change. Frank Outlaw said it best – ‘”Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions, they become habits. Watch your habits, they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.”

The choice is yours. How will our words impact others?
Thanking you for reading. Please keep sending any topics you’d like to talk about to caitlinvieira@gmail.com

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