OVER the last few weeks, I’ve had multiple couples come to see me in an attempt to improve their relationship. Sadly, I learned that many (probably even most) people do not know or understand what a healthy relationship is. I don’t think it is certainly our fault, as what we see (in and out of Guyana) is often negatively consistent when it comes to intimate relationships. I’m writing this article with the hope that many of you will have or keep a realistic view of your relationship and subsequently make any attempt to grow and improve it.

The first things to know and understand are the vital components which are needed to make an intimate relationship work healthily. Truthfully, love is not the determining factor for a good relationship. It takes a back seat to multiple others that in their own way can certainly lead to love.

I’m going to start with healthy communication. It’s safe to say that all couples fight; it wouldn’t be a healthy relationship without these arguments that tend to happen as you explore your partner and relationship. Without disagreements, you wouldn’t learn each other’s wants, needs, desires or personal boundaries. The problem isn’t fighting – it’s the way we do it. It should be about stepping away from your desire to be right and realise your partner’s emotions and needs. It requires active listening with the goal of understanding and not responding.

In healthy communication, there is honesty. This means that partners accept, encourage, and support each other no matter what. An honest relationship is one that is transparent. Knowing how your partner is feeling or what they are doing gives the other a sense of security and consistency within the relationship.
With honesty comes trust, respect and sharing responsibility.

Trust brings self – esteem and confidence due to a sense of safety to both partners. Additionally, it increases bonding and levels of intimacy within the relationship. Respect is critical and without it, the relationship won’t last. One of the most vital desires of human beings is to be respected; all the while knowing the difference between this and fear. A respectful relationship is one without abuse of any kind- – no verbal, emotional, physical, sexual or financial. You feel safe turning to each other for emotional support without the fear of being bullied or misunderstood. It is a relationship with space and freedom. It’s a union of positive influence, security, support, empathy and understanding. Respectful partners consider each other before and when making decisions that affect the relationship; they maintain an equal balance of power.

Sharing Responsibility means just as it sounds – that couples share everything from burdens to chores. This allows for a sense of consideration and teamwork to build.
All of the above leads to understanding and patience. It is vital that you understand and accept the differences between you and your partner. You both have different family histories and life experiences which brought you to where you are. Instead of attempting to make them feel and act as you do, study why they are who they are. Learning and understanding them will come in time.

Patience during this process will result in acceptance and commitment. Your relationship is not much different than a person itself. You have to often think about its health, progress and future. It means making decisions (together) that only benefit the relationship. Commitment also means staying faithful to one partner and to remain here, you may want to consider more affection which can be a warm embrace or loving words.

Forgiveness is also critical for a relationship to thrive. There are many times people will be hurt, offended or judged in a relationship. Again, this is natural during the process of really getting acquainted with someone. Letting go of these grudges is beneficial for both parties as it lightens bitterness from the past, present or future.
If you are worried about your relationship now, don’t despair as there are small steps that can make large differences in an intimate relationship.

Schedule a date night/quality time one night a week. This time is between the two of you to have fun as well as reflect on the positives of your relationship. Do not forget that your relationship needs attention, openness, better communication and romance.
Give each other space- especially during a fight. This is not running away but rather taking space to calm down and think rationally. In a healthy relationship, one does not feel jealous or threatened by a little space. They are confident that their partners equally want to find a solution. Space isn’t only beneficial during fights. Couples that have separate, personal interests and activities have more to share; when there is personal growth, there is also relationship growth.

During an argument, focus on the solution rather than the argument itself. Arguments are usually prolonged because of what is said during the actual argument, not what is being argued in the first place. If you focus on the solution, the fights become a lot shorter and further in between.

During an argument, acknowledge what your partner has said. The number one reason why people scream is simply because they feel unheard.
A common source of conflict is playing the ‘blame game’ or the ‘comparing game.’ If something big needs to change within a relationship, more often than not, it will require work from both individuals. Don’t shy away from your own personal responsibility.

Take honesty gracefully. People tend to forget that the truth is not luxury and not a necessity. People do not have to be honest with us; they choose to be out of love or respect. If your partner is honest about something and your reaction is over the top, do you expect the truth again?

When you have issues, remember why you chose that person in the first place. No one is perfect and may have all the qualities you desire but you can still surprise each other if you both put in the extra effort!
Thanking you for reading. Please keep sending any topics you’d like to talk about to caitlinvieira@gmail.com, Or come in to see me at:

Georgetown Public Hospital: Psychiatric Department:
Monday- Friday – 08:00hrs- 12:00hrs

Suicide Prevention Helpline numbers: 223-0001, 223-0009, 623-4444, 600-7896

Say Yes to Life and No to Drugs! Always