In the face of numerous domestic killings
NOVELIST Margaret Atwood writes that when she asked a male friend why men feel threatened by women, he answered, “They are afraid women will laugh at them.” However, when she asked a group of women why they feel threatened by men, they said, “We’re afraid of being killed.”

However, there are men in Guyana today, as well as in other parts of the world that still cringe when a man kills a woman – regardless of the reason. Yes, there are still some men who hurt; who care; who weep; who are angered – outraged; who would like to see their equal be put to the gallows, or electric chair and be finished with.
Further, there are men who would think of their mother; their sister(s); loving grandmothers; aunties and other female relatives; and even their good friends who are females. The fact is that many men still ‘see’ some women as their confidants…the person they can trust – to hide their shame; to cover for them and even to cover them and so they would want no harm to come near them.
Some men were nurtured (only) by a woman – from the womb to the breast; literally drawing cold out from his snotty nose, while wiping the tears away from his face when they were bruised or tainted, offering that gentle and warm kiss on their forehead or cheeks. Some men do not forget.

INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPS
On the other hand, as a female companion, a man begins to admire a woman that he thinks he is falling in love with, and if allowed that relationship grows and so many things happen. Then eventually there may be marriage, reputed wife situations or just the ‘child or children’ mother scenario. One way or the other there goes lots of ‘lovable’ times – physical and emotional intimacy.

During these times other people become part and parcel of the whole arrangement: children have grown out of it; grandparents are now a significant part of the family; so also are aunties and uncles; cousins and many others – on both sides of the divide.

The thing to make one wonder then is: How come, with all these people directly and/or indirectly involved would people still reach to the level – that very low level- of sending the other significant other to the grave and in some cases sending themselves there too?

There is no easy answer for this question and here many may be tempted to judge the man, the woman, and the parent of the woman or the man. In some cases, some may have to be honest enough and take blame – but this is after the fact and obviously the wrong place since there is usually no turning back.

THE PSYCHOLOGY OF MEN
What really causes this big switch where a man kills a woman he once loved or admired – and in some cases if you ask him, up to the time when he would have killed her, he may say that he was still in love.

Then what in fact made him kill her? Is it jealously; mistrust; insecurity or uncertainty; anxiety; poor judgment; being too possessive; the lack of ‘education’; the social conditioning; culture; or just an impulsive/rash decision?

Many wonder: How can a man who once shared breakfast, lunch and dinner with a woman, sometimes out of one plate; sleep in the same bed with a woman, in some cases for lengthy periods of time; make children that they loved; took care of other love ones within the family together and lots more, still turn around – in some cases premeditatedly, stab her up, chop her up, batter her, or even shoot her to death?

What is the psychological make-up of a man that can cause such a dramatic change in his treatment towards the woman?

Is it the feeling of pride; of rejection; of fear of living the past over again; or fear of the unknown – having to start all over again; of being defeated or betrayed, possibly by another man? Or is it just because a man is mostly physically stronger, want to show that he is this big, bad bully and ultimately a killer? What is it?

CONCERN FOR YOUR DAUGHTERS AND SONS
One way or another, the nonsense has to stop, or at least the number of killings must be diminished. In addition to the rape, injuries by violent attacks, threats that cause many women to live in constant fear – sometimes being unable to function for their children or other loved ones must see a rapid reduction.
The fact is that far too many women are in danger of being violently attacked and injured or killed after they leave or try to leave their abusive partner. In fact, almost daily a woman is killed by an abusive partner or even an ex-partner who refuses to leave her alone.
Some questions again: Are these men so distraught, not being able to find a way to deal with this break-up; So much in love and broken-up-at-heart; or is it that these men want to maintain power and control over these women; or because they see these women as a piece of ‘priced possession’ which will enhance their feelings of ‘machoness’?

SOLUTIONS
The church or faith-based organisations; physical and emotional therapy; sharing within groups; anger management; more attention being paid to the young male, especially who show ‘troubled’ tendencies from a young age, are just some of the aspects of a plan that should be considered, especially for the young male’s life – the earlier the better.
Some seem to feel that men are wired to be more violent than women; at the same time, women are expected to not only control their emotions but also be able to control the emotion of the men as well.
Emma Lindsay (Medium) said that instead of learning how to take a rejection gracefully, men will claim women should “let them down easy.” It comes right down to that Margaret Atwood quote (which started this feature), “Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them.” Men are so terrified of being laughed at, rejected or absorbing indignity in any way that they demand women risk physical violence so they don’t have to face the pain of rejection. (mercilinburke2017@gmail.com)