We close our series which served to increase awareness of the issue of suicide in light of World Suicide Prevention Day which was celebrated last month.

Our final writer has asked to remain anonymous.

HOW I KEEP ON LIVING.
I’ve never had an actual plan to commit suicide but I’m not afraid of dying either- if that makes sense. Some days I wish someone would come and end my life for me – to just make things easier.

However, the days aren’t all bad. On the other days, I hope that God wasn’t listening and doesn’t take me. The whole “be careful what you wish for” idea.

The reason for this is that my happiness doesn’t lie with me but with everything else around me.
For example, if my work, family and relationships are going well, I’m doing well. If I fight with my boyfriend or realise someone doesn’t like me, or that someone is judging me, my day turns horrible. This makes me very unhappy as I cannot control what other people do. I can’t control if I’ll be stuck in traffic or if someone is rude to me.

I constantly hate myself for letting these little things get me down and it makes me want to not live sometimes. My happiness lies in the way I look, the way people respect me etc. These are things that won’t always be positive so it really scares me.
I also think very negatively. I imagine the worst in any and every situation. It’s so emotionally and physically draining.

And of course, my coping skills are purely negative. I drink alcohol and smoke cigarettes and weed to feel better. If I’m not doing that, I’m taking comfort in food or my bed.
I decided that I had to make a serious change in my day to day life or I may very well become suicidal with a plan and not just a want.

I knew from reading Caitlin’s column that it had to start with my coping skills. I love her usual Sunday column which is why I agreed to do this but I couldn’t put my name because my family doesn’t know how I feel. I don’t want them to take on any more stress than they have. My parents fight all the time, they have money issues and my brother also gives them a hard time.
They think I’m the good one and I guess I have to keep allowing them to think that. I don’t want them to be disappointed and also see me as a burden.

As I was saying, the biggest change I made was my coping skills. Which means whenever I was angry, sad or irritated, instead of drinking alcohol or smoking cigarettes or weed, I would do something healthier.
I would either exercise by dancing (I love trying on my fancy clothes and dancing in a mirror). I would read something interesting or most effectively, I would do a creative project. Last week it was painting and this week I’m going to try building a large puzzle.

Since I can’t help but feel sad or angry, I can help how I deal with it and it made a world of a difference. What also helps me is reciting positive words – the opposite of what makes me so insecure. I like to look in the mirror and say that “you are strong, you are beautiful, you are kind and you are enough”. I found this to help as well.

I also started to turn to God. I find saying to God that “I’m leaving my mood and happiness in your power today” and that it helps a lot. Because unlike my family, friends, significant other, co-workers and even strangers on the street, my God wouldn’t want to hurt me. He wouldn’t even dream of doing it.

I wanted to just share those things and hope that they help you the way it helps me. I wouldn’t even want my worst enemy to feel what I have been feeling. But I take it day by day. You can too.
– Anonymous

I cannot thank everyone enough for the bravery, strength and resilience it took to share your stories.

HOW CAN WE PREVENT SUICIDES?
It takes an entire country to do this. I am not going to talk about the new laws, policies and interventions (for example pesticide restriction laws and school-based prevention programmes) that are needed for this change. I’m going to talk about what any individual can do to make a difference.

These are called protective factors – characteristics that make an individual less likely to take their own life.

First, start with you. Improve your self-esteem and self-worth. This can be done with the basics- eating, sleeping and exercising well. This starts with you but others definitely play a role in how we feel about ourselves. This can make us feel weak at times but it also means that you play a role in how others feel about themselves. We have the power to make someone else feel good today and our willingness to do so says a lot about who we are.

COMPLIMENT RATHER THAN RIDICULE.
Practice healthier coping skills. A lack of healthy coping skills is a serious risk factor for suicide. No one is immune to life’s stressors- some people are simply better at dealing with them. Make a list of your current coping skills- what you do when you are angry or sad. Do you scream at others? Do you drink alcohol or smoke cigarettes? Do you blame others?

Make a list of new, positive coping skills. Listen to music or take a second to recite something that calms you down. Practice (it takes a lot) replacing old habits with the new ones. The beauty about stress is that it doesn’t matter what is causing it- familial issues, financial, work-related etc., the way we deal with all stressors is the same- with good coping skills.

Any individual who expresses thoughts of suicide should be taken seriously but there are factors that make individuals particularly high risk. These are intention, plan or means. Does the person intend on taking their own life? Is there a specific plan – place or time? Is there a planned way of doing it? If all of this has been considered, an attempt is very likely to occur.

Do you know someone who is considering suicide? Just be there for them. Accompany them to their first and follow up appointments.
Basic environmental protective factors include education and awareness of the health care available. Do you know where to get help? What can you do in your home? Reducing access to means of suicide would be a good start. Keeping a clean home does not just mean sweeping or washing up. It means having a non-abusive and drug-free household. Everyone should feel safe, loved and protected in their own home.

Educate those around you- share your knowledge with members of your community. With the teachers in your local schools, nurses in your local health centres, police officers in your local stations.
Be a supportive and caring friend/ family member. I know it is difficult in hard times, especially if you do not know what to say. Here are some things that can get you started:
“I thought about you and wondered how you were doing.”

“You haven’t been yourself lately, is everything okay?”
“Is there anything you would like to talk about?”
“How can I best support you right now?”
“I can only imagine how you are feeling and just want to help.”
“I am here for you, whenever you are ready. I want to be here for you.”

Just be yourself – if you show genuine concern, it can trump ‘saying the wrong thing.’ Listen calmly, patiently and empathetically. Do not judge or try to minimise their problems by maximising your own. Do not push your beliefs onto them. Take their words seriously and offer help and reassurance.

Many people who are considering suicide do not actually want to die, they simply want to stop hurting. It is a desperate attempt to relieve what seems like incurable pain. However, all suicide does is eliminate the possibility of healing.

For those of you who are feeling this way, you are not alone. Just remember that even the darkest hour has only 60 minutes. The worst day of your life has only 24 hours and then resets. The night must become very dark for the stars to finally show.

I want to reiterate how important it is to reach out for help. It takes nothing but courage and strength to show vulnerability. A courage that will inspire those around you who may also be afraid to reach out. If you have been looking for a sign to live or get help, this is it.
C.S Lewis said – “There are far far better things ahead than anything we leave behind.”