‘Two tief mek God laugh’

By Abdool Aziz
HE began working at the age of nine. Though illiterate, he possessed a wealth of common sense and he was parsimonious. By the age of 48, he had amassed a fortune but he did not want to risk coming to the city to bank his money, so he built a concrete safe in the house. He was a happy man until his life savings vanished.

His eldest son, Rover, had just returned home from a reckless period of roving. He was penniless. He observed his father entering the safe room, locking the door and spending some time in there. He would then emerge with a bag and smile. Something good was happening in that room. The second brother, a kleptomaniac named, Sheriff, was ordered by Rover to ‘peep’ on the old man’s covert actions. Sheriff was happy to oblige. He lay on the floor just after his father locked the door. He peered under the crease of the door. He observed the old man sitting on the floor then got up and tip-toed away.

While the man was at work, the two thieves searched by the door’s ledge and found a key to the door. Rover said, “Good job bro, now open the safe!”
Their wicked hearts pounded with excitement. Their eyes bulged as they feasted on the loot. There were countless wads of notes amounting to over five million in today’s currency. They took everything, then locked back the safe and put back the key. Rover sent the Sheriff away to New Amsterdam with the cash in a shoe box. He would join him later.

The next morning, the old man entered his money chamber. He opened the small metal door only to find an empty safe staring back at him. At first, he thought he was dreaming, but when reality kicked in, he cried. He stumbled to his feet, opened the door and shouted for his wife and Rover. Rover came running and asked, “Wha happen, Pa?”
In tears, the old man stammered, “All me money, Sheriff thief all me money!”

Rover, bare faced, said, “Don’t worry Pa, ah gon get it back. Ah going behind that dog.”
The old man was broken. He took to his hammock grieving. His life savings were stolen by his own blood. Rover took money from his mother and travelled to East Berbice. He joined Sheriff and they began to splurge on their father’s hard-earned savings. That night, as Sheriff lay drunk, Rover took the money and left to waste all on rum and women. When the spending spree was over, he got in touch with Sheriff and brought him home.
Rover said to his father triumphantly, “Ah caught the dog spending de money!”
The father asked, “You get back any?”

“No! A prostitute stole it all,” Rover shouted in anger.
“Beat him!” The father ordered. Rover grabbed the skinny Sheriff, and took him to his room. They heard Sheriff hollering and begging for mercy. Their mother pleaded for mercy. The irate father said, “No mercy, kill him, he stole my money!” Rover then pushed Sheriff out the door, all battered and seemingly in pain. The mother said, “Ow me son, is wha Rover did to you.”

The father said, “Shut up, he should ah dead!”
Years later it was revealed that Sheriff got no blows. Rover hit the bed with a paddle. Sheriff screamed out in pretence. My two wicked brothers are now burning in hell for a dastardly family heist.

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