Hello Everyone,
I hope this week has treated you well.
Last week I wrote about depression in the hopes of a better understanding by our general population. I mentioned a range or risk factors as well as things we can do to treat it.
Today, I would like to specifically focus on music as a way of healing. I would like to state clearly that this is not a substitute for prescription medication and psychotherapy but rather something extra that will definitely speed up one’s rate of recovery.

I think it’s safe to say that everyone likes music- maybe just not all types of music. Music is undoubtedly the most popular thing on the planet- with everyone having access to it in one sense or the other. Its power allows for a range of uncontrollable emotions. It connects people – it excites us, inspires us, motivates us, educates us and apparently, even heals us.
Music has an emotional and physical effect on us. It allows us to express our emotions on a whole. There were many times I sent songs to different people in my life because I couldn’t find the words at the time. In allowing us to express ourselves, it inspires creativity, fuels our memories and heal our wounds.

Physically, music can excite us as well as calm us down. It can slow down or speed up our heart beat and breathing. It’s been known to lower stress, blood pressure and possibility of drug relapse. Numerous studies have also determined that music therapy has allowed individuals to heal faster, especially cancer patients. Having said all of that, it is safe to say that music reduces pain by allowing us to feel, which is okay. A rhyme to remember- Feeling is healing.

I can personally write about music has done and continues to do for me. I love to sing- if I could have been in any other profession, it would have been an artist. However, some people have to be the clappers and that’s me. Still, music has a bigger impact on my life than anything else. I send songs to people as a form of love, apology, education…you name it! I feel insecure at times (like most do I’m sure) and music helps me with that in ways very difficult to explain. However, I have a feeling that most of you already know what I’m talking about. We all have that song that makes us feel really good about ourselves and reminds us of what’s important. Music also improves my physical health. I cannot go to the gym without my ipod. I will literally turn the car around.

When I have it, I run faster and harder. I’m reminded of all the reasons why I want to run in the first place. Music calms me down. It just takes away my anger. What I love most about music though, is that it always provides me with company; I never feel lonely when music is playing. I tend to only associate good memories with music because of how much I need it in my life. I wish to encourage everyone to do the same.

Official music therapy is a relatively new practice. There is active and receptive music therapy. Active involves the patient and therapist working together to create/compose music that calms the patient down. They then discuss feelings that are brought about by the composition. In receptive music therapy, patients simply listen to music that they already like while mediating or thinking about what’s bothering them. The aim is to improve mood and develop healthier coping skills. Neither therapy requires an extensive background of musical skills. In general, they are known to lower depression, calm anxiety and ease pain.

M, who was brave enough to speak about her depression last week will tell us how music affected her specifically.
“My depression is like a heavy cloak that I wear everywhere I go. Most days it’s manageable but on the days that it rains, it’s a lot more difficult to carry.

I have lived with my depression from the age of 13 officially, but I don’t think I can remember a time where I woke up not entertaining the thoughts of suicide.

Please, don’t get me wrong or feel sorry for me, I live my life to it’s fullest and I always find the positivity in any given moment. But living with a person like me is not easy. Not even for me.

You see most people don’t see the grave effects of depression until it is too late. Most people don’t see the slamming of doors around my apartment, the screaming, the crying until I can’t breath, the “why-won’t-you-just-jump” that goes through my head and out of my mouth on a bad day. Only few people get to witness me, fighting with myself, or my partner Kyle, who might I add is the main reason I am still here. No pressure.

The first time I recall ever feeling upset with my self-worth was around 7 or 8. I don’t recall the cause but I do remember plopping myself in front of our family piano and I began to poke around and make a few noises. My mother promptly put me into lessons and from there my love for music grew and blossomed. I played the piano on and off for a few years, dabbling with guitar until I found a real passion for the violin at the age of 14. Which might I add; my family did not find to be the greatest choice. Have you ever heard a beginner violinist play? It is the most horrendous sound on the planet.

From 14-21 I expressed myself musically through the violin; I played in symphonies, got a tutor from the Toronto Symphony Orchestra as part of a student program. I went to band camp on a full scholarship. I lived, ate and slept classical music. So much that I graduated high school with enough free credits that I only had 2 or 3 classes in my final year.

There is a void that music temporarily fills when you suffer from depression. A void that grows with each breath, each step; a void that we all desperately try to silence with medications, meditations and more. My mother always knew I was having a bad day (undiagnosed at the time) when I locked my door and practiced for hours on end; a pleasure for me, torture for everyone else. Remember, I wasn’t that good.

When I met Kyle, I was still playing on my own terms. I got into York University’s music program as part of my courses, to which my professor told me “I would never make money doing this” to which I replied “I never wanted to” and stormed out. That was the beginning to the end of my love affair with the violin.

A few years later, and a month into us dating, Kyle got me a dog, James, who promptly put a stop to my musical efforts by howling uncontrollably any time I so much as open the violin case. Dogs, am I right? That was the last of it. My violin is still sitting in my storage unit desperately waiting to be heard again. James is still sitting in my apartment desperately hoping that instrument will never see the light of day again.

But there is something special that happens when you use music to sooth your soul. There is something magical.

The urge to create never goes away.

I have since switched to something a bit more modern and millennial if you will. DJing. Plus I look A LOT cooler doing it let me tell you.

I am self taught so I do not play for other people but spending an hour or two a week behind the turn tables, gets my heart pumping again. I dance around my living room during my favourite songs, I mix and mash sounds together and sometimes they are a hit, most times Kyle jumps in desperately trying to save the sound I’ve let unravel, obviously from dancing and not paying attention.

When I was asked to do this speech I wanted to talk about what songs and artists I find help me, but realistically I think for everyone, the emotional associations with music and artists is very dependant on your experiences and good-feeling memories and of course the type of music you enjoy. Music has always been a major help in getting out of my personal turmoil. Whether it be blasting Kid Cudi’s latest album to drown out my own thoughts or picking up an instrument and letting my fingers and my heart talk instead, the blanket of comfort and pacification that music has the ability to surround you with is unlike anything else I have experienced.

Music will always be my escape. I will always dance alone while I try not to let my darkness settle. I will always sing out loud in the shower to cancel out my thoughts of defeat. I will always have music. “ – M

Thanking you for reading. Please keep sending any topics you’d like to talk about to caitlinvieira@gmail.com Or come in to see me at:
Georgetown Public Hospital: Psychiatric Department:
Monday- Friday – 8am- 12pm

Woodlands Hospital: Outpatient Department
Drug and Alcohol group meetings – Mondays 4:00pm
Good mental health group meetings- Wednesdays 4:00pm
Suicide Prevention Helpline numbers: 223-0001, 223-0009, 623-4444, 600-7896

Say Yes to Life and No to Drugs! Always