WHEN children with some dysfunction in their lives become teenagers, and they commit a crime or do something senseless, cruel, destructive or fatal, the general public is usually left with two questions. One: Why would a child do something like that? And two: Where are the parents?Over the past few weeks, 4 MINUTES 4 CHANGE has looked at parenting and the effects that good and bad parenting can have on a child. It was concluded that parents who are ‘clued in’ and provide positive input to their child’s upbringing stand a better chance of raising a child who will one day contribute to society in a meaningful way.

Okay, let’s be honest: there are always exceptions to the rule. Despite the positive input from parents or caregivers, some children do not turn out the best.
But if the intention is to give children the best chance in life, the correct morals and values need to be instilled in them from inception, with clear knowledge of what is expected from them.

Children need to know — from the ‘get go’ and at every turn in their lives — that parents are genuinely interested in them and in all the things they do and achieve, not just when they are small, but at least until they are adults.

Always ask “How was school?”, and give them the opportunity to talk to you without interruption. Ask them about their friends and their activities, and LISTEN TO CHILDREN. Encourage and praise them sincerely for the good things they do, and do not overreact with reprimand and punishment for the wrong things. Even adults do wrong things and make mistakes.

Nowadays, parents tend to spend too much time on their mobile phones or other technological devices. They encourage their children to watch a lot of TV or play computer games, and this fosters a lack of communication and a distraction from valuable time that could be spent more productively. A parent couldn’t possibly know what is going on in a child’s life; or, more importantly, in a child’s mind, unless that parent communicates with the child on a regular basis in a caring and attentive manner.

FIND SOME QUIET TIME: Learn to listen. Adults can help children make sensible choices just by listening and asking practical questions, e.g. “So do you think that was a good idea? What would you do in that situation? What do you think he did wrong? Let’s look at it from a different angle…” These are examples that will help your child in decision-making. Can you think of a few more?

Children need clear boundaries; and once they are set, they need to be maintained always. Even if parents are separated, they should agree on what the boundaries should be, and uphold them for the sake of raising a level-headed child.

For example, (important boundaries) Never take gifts from strangers; always let someone know where you are going; never say you are going one place and end up somewhere else; don’t let your friends lead you astray; take your education seriously; if you see trouble brewing, walk the other way.

Children must be brought up with positive direction and guidance.
Pre-adolescents and teenagers sometimes try to push the boundaries with challenging behaviours, but parents and caregivers must see this for what it is, and ‘nip it in the bud’ before it has a chance to escalate.

When teenagers are becoming adults, there are a lot of hormonal changes as well as physical changes going on. Young people are coming to grips with the psychological fact that they are neither adult nor child.

Parental guidance is a ‘must’ during these transformational years. That is the period when, if there is lack of communication and/or dysfunction in the household, the child can get out of hand and end up only God knows where.

But what do YOU think? Should parents be held accountable for what their underage children do?
When children commit crime or other senseless acts, is it a reflection on their upbringing?
Where an underage child breaks the law, should there be a fine or reprimand for adults who fail to monitor their child’s activities?

You can send your views or replies to: childcaregy@gmail.com
If you are concerned about the welfare of a child, ring the CPA hotline on 227-0979.

A MESSAGE FROM THE CHILDCARE AND PROTECTION AGENCY, MINISTRY OF SOCIAL PROTECTION