– So no drugs, no cheating, no trouble
(Times of India) We often become prisoners of our past. And masters of our own mistakes. But it takes gallons of grit and gumption to say, “Yes, I got it all wrong.” And then get down to clean the mess pool, with bare hands and a bruised but brave heart. Prateik Babbar is doing just that. Yes, his was not a fairy tale in filmi land with a prologue penned by a godfather, a glorious debut and eventually the envious life of a movie star. It was far from glossy.

After his last release ‘Issaq,’ he disappeared for nearly three years, letting the fortress around him rise high and mighty — until he lost sight of the big picture. After years of wallowing in doubt, dilemma and drugs, Prateik ended the battle, one that he was fighting with his own self. In this story, no pretty princess kissed him out of a deep slumber. It was his own will to undo the wrong. And gallop back into the good side of life.

Sitting on the couch across me, the actor spills it all, because sometimes, the best choice we have is truth, and nothing but that. “I let failure get to me, and I was confused whether I should be an actor. In eight years whatever I had done had not worked, while other actors were doing well. I stopped listening to scripts as I was very depressed. I loved the people around me and I loved going on the sets, but I isolated myself from everything. My fears took over me. However, now I am not scared anymore,” he tells me with a glint in his eye. I am not hungry for love anymore, I’m only hungry to be a good actor

Did he have a plan B? Well, did he ever have a plan for his career? He quickly adds, “No, I never planned my life. At 19, I got signed up for commercials, it was easy money. I partied and enjoyed myself. ‘Jaane Tu… Ya Jaane Na’ also happened with ease, it wasn’t a lead role but people noticed me. Even ‘Dhobhi Ghat’ was an interesting film and ‘Dum Maaro Dum’ fared decently. From ‘Ekk Deewana Tha’ onwards my career just slumped. In the excitement of being an actor I got a little overconfident. I am glad that I have realised all the rights and wrongs of my life. It’s like a healing process. I know that if I want to be respected, I have to show respect. Personally, too, I was going through a hard time.”

Last year, Prateik lost his grandmom, the woman who raised him like a mother and was his strongest anchor. “The whole process of losing her was terribly painful. She has given me immense love and all I wanted to do was make her proud, and make her part of my success. I couldn’t live up to it and that made me very angry. I was full of self-pity and was dodged with questions about my life. I wondered why people liked me. Was it because my mother had died? Did they feel bad for me? Maybe, they liked me for all these reasons and not because I was a good actor. All those thoughts tore me apart. After my grandmom passed away, I realised how everything in the past was pretty much my fault, and I had got it all wrong. But over time, I have made peace with myself and all those thoughts are behind me now. I only have gratitude for my parents and others around me.”

So, he feels like a brand new person. Ready to reboot? “Yes, I missed acting so much that now I am obsessed with it. I went and studied method acting and it really renewed my confidence and brought back my focus. It made me realise how much this means to me. Now the outcome doesn’t matter, I just want to work. I have this new zest for life and I know that acting is my calling; I don’t have any doubts about it,” he says with a boyish grin. He adds, “I will reach out to people, I will apologise if I have to and do whatever it takes.”

Prateik wears his heart on his sleeve, and is a self-professed emotional fool. His love life and break-up with actress Amy Jackson was the talk of town. He confesses, “I didn’t know what to do with myself after I broke up with Amy. It left a void in my life. I am not so good with heartbreak.” He pauses and goes on to say, “It is not like I wanted a partner, it is more like I needed one. I thought I won’t be able to survive without a partner. People around me told me that I was trying to fill a void of a female figure in my life, as I didn’t have a mother, and was raised by my grandmom who was so much older. I was scared of not being in a relationship.”

After much turmoil, he has moved on. But is he ready to fall in love again? Pat comes his reply, “I am not ready for a relationship yet. I have been a complete mess in them, so I need to do some soul-searching before getting romantically involved again. I was always very possessive and that’s not the way to be. And I have understood that you can’t pluck a flower and want it to bloom, too. I am not hungry for love anymore, now I’m only hungry to be a good actor.”

Everything is good in right measures, love included. An overdose of anything can kill you, right? We have heard stories of his drug abuse and him being in rehab. He admits, “Yes, I should be honest with you. I turned to drugs at a very young age and at 19, I came out of rehab. All that I was going through emotionally led me to that. I was stupid and rebellious. In the last three years I wasn’t in rehab, but yes, I did do drugs. My depression, my failed relationship and losing the person that mattered to me the most (grandmom) — it all broke me. I was at a stage where I did not love myself. Depression and anger is such a bad combo, it leads to bad decisions and obnoxious behaviour.”

“I am cleaning up all that now. I have left that life of drugs and partying behind me. Today, I am stable and sober. Sanjay Dutt had gone through a similar patch when ‘Rocky’ released and it became a huge success. He went into a sabbatical, but he came out stronger. His fans loved him so much that they gave him another chance. I want to share my story with my fans and those who love me. I want to tell them, yes, I have made mistakes but I am here to make up for it. I have turned over a new leaf. More than anything else, I am working on myself right now. I want to love myself and love my life. So no drugs, no cheating, no controversy, no trouble.”