Hello Everyone,
I hope this week has treated you well. I would like to talk about something that I see clients about almost every day- something that plagues our country and hurts every one. Domestic Violence is common around the world and is no exception in Guyana.
Domestic violence can happen between/ to anyone. It knows no gender, age, ethnicity nor socio-economic status. The problem in Guyana is that it is very much denied or often overlooked and excused when brought to light.
There are many types of abuse. Some people feel that if they aren’t actually hitting their partner, (physical abuse) they are not being abusive. There is also psychological/ emotional abuse, sexual abuse, verbal abuse and financial abuse. These are all as painful as the other. [box type=”shadow” align=”alignright” width=”300px” ]Please remember your following FREE options

Woodlands Hospital (Outpatient Department):
Drug and Alcohol Group Meetings:
Mondays- 4:30- 5:30pm

Good Mental Health meetings
Wednesdays- 4:30- 5:30ppm
Contact: 623-0433

Al- Anon Meetings: Brickam Presbytery
Thursdays- 5:15- 6:15pm
Contact: 233-5844/600-0832

Help and Shelter Address for headquarters: Homestretch Avenue, Durban Park
Contact: 225-4731, 227-8353

Suicide Prevention Helpline Numbers 223-0001, 223-0009, 623-4444, 600-7896. Say Yes to Life and No to Drugs! Always [/box]
Physical abuse comprises of physical force, injury or battery towards the partner. Sexual abuse happens if intercourse is unwanted or degrading. This can happen between married couples as well.
Psychological/ emotional abuse can be done by verbal abuse such as screaming, insulting as well as intimidation and controlling behaviours. Financial abuse means that money is strictly controlled or withheld completely. It can also mean that basic necessities such as food, clothes are withheld as well as preventing a partner from obtaining a job on their own.
All types of abuse will lower your self-esteem and self- worth. It will force the victim to feel helpless and isolated. This can lead to drug use/abuse, depression and even suicide.
These types of abuse are conducted by one or both partners to dominate and control the other. It is important to remember that men are also victims of domestic abuse.
These types of relationships tend to escalate from verbal and emotional abuse to physical.
How do we stop it?
Noticing the signs of whether you (or a friend/family member) are in an abusive relationship is the first step to ending it.

Are you:
– Afraid of your partner?
– Always walking on eggshells around them to avoid a blow out?
– Not allowed to have access to phone, car or money?
– Being constantly checked on?
– Wondering if you are the one who has a problem?
– Feeling sad and alone even when he/she is around?
– Feeling criticized, humiliated or even ignored when he/she is around?
– Embarrassed often around other people?
– Being physically hurt or threatened?
– Constantly having to replace valuables that are being broken?
– Being isolated from your friends/family?
– Feeling like you deserved to be mistreated?
If you answer ‘yes’ to the majority of questions below, you are more than likely in an abusive relationship

There is a particular cycle/ pattern that occurs in domestic abuse.
This is the abuse, guilt, excuses, “normal behaviour”, and finally set up.
This means there is the abuse itself- which ever kind. The subsequent guilt is not over what’s been done but encompaasses more worry of getting caught, facing consequences or losing the partner. Excuses happen when the abuser tries to justify what he/she has done- abusers rarely ever take responsibility. “Normal behavior” means the abuser will go back to being kind as he/she was many times before- allowing the victim to feel that change can happen. Set up occurs when the abuse happens again- again with a justification for what the victim ‘has done’.
While taking cycles into consideration, it is important to note that anyone who abuses any substance is more likely to abuse their partner. A partner who is being abused is more likely to abuse their children. Those children are subsequently more likely to grow up and become abusers themselves, especially males. This is a cycle that must be stopped now.

Now, how do you spot a friend or family member who is being abused?
People who are abused are more often than not:
– Afraid of their partner
– Have low self-esteem/ self-worth
– Become withdrawn
– Has physical injuries they cannot explain
– Frequently misses events ranging from work/ school to social gatherings
– Has to lie to their partner about trivial things
– Have limited access to money, car etc
– Does everything their partner says to do
– Always have to check in with their partner
– Always receives phone calls from their partner

What can we do?
It is no secret that the law occasionally overlooks domestic violence, especially between married couples.
If you suspect abuse, ALWAYS confront it- express concern. Sometimes, victims blame themselves for their abuse and are ashamed to reach out for help. If they open up, listen don’t judge. Offer help and support. Don’t neglect it. Refer them to places such as Help and Shelter or Al-Anon, as very often the abuse is due to substance abuse. Let them know about the suicide prevention helpline and about the weekly meetings at Woodlands Hospital.
Personally, I would love to see an ‘Abuse tax’ implemented. This would mean that whenever there was a case of domestic violence, there would be a fine for the abuser and that money would go to places such as Help and Shelter, whose primary focus is abused women that seek help.
To all the women who are being abused in the same community. You deserve to feel appreciated, respected and safe. I understand that some women are stuck in these situations as they have no other means of income. It would be beneficial and helpful to yourself and others to start weekly community group meetings. In these sessions, you can teach each other new things to do both in and out of the home- things that can create independence and possibly a living. Teach each other to read and write, to cook, to sew, computer classes, sports- anything. Education is the one thing that cannot be taken away from you. Please remember to keep writing in to caitlinvieira@gmail.com. Let me know what you want to talk about!