For Every Action…
I’m a petty officer in the Navy. In late September 2013 I made the choice to visit a woman at her house, innocently, but it led to a one-night stand. Over the course of two weeks it led to an emotional affair, but no sex until the following weekend, after which I asked my wife for a separation.She, none the wiser, didn’t understand and things started to go downhill fast. Less than a week later this woman and I had sex again, for the last time. By mid-November it was finished. I told my wife I wanted to work things out. I didn’t tell her what happened and didn’t want to.
On December 27 I couldn’t hold it all in and confessed at a bar of all places. Angry she was, but she didn’t leave. She told me not to worry about her paying me back, but I knew she would. One of the things in our marriage is brutal honesty, which obviously ended with my affair.
Three weeks later it turns out she got with two men, one time each. I’m in Afghanistan now and angry. Some people say I should have left. Others say: “It’s on you.” I know we are both through with going outside our box, but I’m still fuming.
I feel I should give justice to her. I feel something of mine was taken, and I can’t get it back. Am I wrong?
Sam

Sam, you knew you and your wife had a tit-for-tat relationship. Four days before the new year you told her you cheated. Ding! Think you were subconsciously trying to end your marriage? You knew she would pay you back and, of course, you got your wish.
Now you think you have a right to get even with her because she evened the score. You don’t. You aren’t strong enough to end the marriage without making her the villain. It’s on her, you claim.
That’s nonsense.
Put the blame where it belongs. You brought her down to your level. Now you can’t live with the anger you feel. Guess what? She couldn’t live with the anger she felt when you cheated. Paybacks, as they say, are hell.
What you did is not something you do to someone you love, but it is something you do when you are trying to get out of a relationship and unwilling to admit it. Be angry with yourself for not having the courage to end it before you cheated. Use this experience as a new beginning.
Find someone you can love with all your heart.
Wayne & Tamara