My husband and I have been happily married, or so I thought, for 23 years. We have two teenagers. Five months ago I found out he has been keeping a secret family in China for the past eight years. The strange thing is he only went to China on short business trips. That’s why I never suspected a thing.The other woman is much younger and has given him a young son. Trouble is, my husband has now brought that family to the country where we are living. He’s supporting and spending time with them even though he comes home to me every night.

He insists I accept this family and allow him to see them as and when he likes. He feels coming home to me at night makes everything all right. He says if I cannot accept it, he’ll just leave.

I feel battered and lost. Both our kids need their dad, and my daughter is a real daddy’s girl. But I don’t know if I can hold on to our marriage in this way for long.

This is not his first affair, but definitely his worst. I’m so afraid I may not be able to handle divorce after reading so many negative things about it.
Rachelle

Rachelle, you could stand by your husband if he lost his leg, if he lost his business or if he committed manslaughter by driving while texting. None of those things would change your relationship to him.

But you see where this is heading, don’t you? You’ve gone from marriage, to sharing a man, to being one wife of two. It’s only a matter of time before it’s one night with you, one night with her. And worse, he is offering you a chance to be part of a clan, and in the end, he may still cast you out anyway.

This abusive partnership started the first time he cheated and got away with it. Your children don’t need a mother who models that for them. Divorce may be the only option to show your children you do not accept his adultery.

Talk to a lawyer and find out how to end this “marriage” on your terms.
Wayne & Tamara