A YEAR-and-a-half ago, I read your email once, then immediately shut down my laptop because you were the first people to ever give me the truth about my situation, and I simply couldn’t handle it.

I want to give you an update. I indeed broke up with my girlfriend. She still does not know I am gay, but I am trying to work on the next steps. I created an Online profile with a blurred picture, explaining my situation and looking for other closeted men. I’ve only had one or two responses, but I’m hopeful.
Because of you, I understand who I am. You saved my ex-girlfriend’s life and mine, as, without you, I would have married her and gone on for years with this secret.
I may not be ready to come out tomorrow, but I’m doing all I can to one day make myself comfortable. Thank you again, from the bottom of my heart, for your help.
Jake

Jake,
When you wrote the first time, you were engaged to an incredibly beautiful woman who was head-over-heels in love with you. She was expecting a ring, but you knew your attraction has always been to men.
You were an expert at fooling everyone, and terrified at the prospect of being the subject of gossip on Facebook. “Guess who’s gay?” You ended your letter saying, “I need a hand to hold, and somebody to talk to.”
The trouble with Online, anonymous relationships is you don’t know whose hand you will find. Wanting to hide your identity can attract the wrong person, and showing you won’t be open can turn off the one you seek.
Try this instead: Pick out a good therapist and talk to them, simply for the experience of sitting down with someone face-to-face. Talking, in confidence, to a professional, who won’t ‘out’ you before you are ready, can be invaluable.
This doesn’t need to involve lengthy therapy, because, really, there is nothing wrong with you. You are just revealing more of yourself to the world.
Think of it as training wheels to say, “I’m gay.” One step at a time; no step too big.
Usually, people hold on to secrets because they fear the reaction of others, without realizing most others will be sympathetic. More and more we live in a “I’m straight, he’s gay, who cares” world.
We salute your courage in breaking off the engagement; you did your girlfriend an enormous kindness. Now, do an enormous kindness for yourself.