My father has always been difficult, and now he seems hell-bent on tearing down my husband every chance he gets. For example, a year ago on a picnic we got a flat tire, and “Edgar,” my husband, wanted to leave early as we had children with us. It was a Sunday afternoon in a rural area, and Edgar wanted the flat fixed before shops closed. Well, Dad objected and gave him the silent treatment for weeks. Edgar apologized just to restore peace in the family.
During the annual family camping trip this June, Dad teased Edgar every chance he got, supposedly in jest. Dad was out of line–I heard some of what was said–so I did not encourage Edgar to make an apology.
At Dad’s house yesterday, he wanted me to read a note he attached to his will. It contains rude remarks about Edgar and adds under no circumstances is Edgar to go through Dad’s stuff after he dies. Dad wants Edgar to read this note after his death. I told Dad I would not let him read it and he should rewrite it.
Edgar goes out of his way to help Dad. Edgar has not worked for several years because of rheumatoid arthritis, but he takes care of house and yard, cooks dinner, does laundry and more. In short, we switched traditional roles and this has something to do with Dad’s animosity.
Dad hates everything about getting old and the changes he’s seen society go through. He wants it to be 1957 forever. He’s a racist, believes men should be “real men” and thinks women should stay at home and be housewives. The older he gets, the worse his temper. He’s not happy about anything.
I feel depressed because I hate conflict and try to avoid it at all costs–perhaps because I grew up with a father who withheld love from his children when they didn’t do as he wished.
Dad never remarried after Mom left. That was over 35 years ago, when I was 12. Dad told me up until five years ago he always expected her to come back. How sad is that?
By the way, Dad has disowned all three of his kids at one point or another. For the last several years it’s been my brother. Dad won’t take his calls or even accept calls from his children.