Domestic violence is not a new phenomenon in our country. It’s something that has pervaded society since the beginning of time, and has continued to escalate. Our mothers, sisters, and daughters have to stop becoming “baby machines,” maids, and slaves for the husbands in the interest of maintaining their relationship or keeping their marriage intact. Slavery has been abolished a long time ago. We must not allow it or remnants of it to carpet through our back doors. It’s time for women to stand up, and defend not only their honor, but also, their rightful place in society. O Sisters! Arise, and seek knowledge by participating in educational programs – this is my advice to you. You will suffer in life if you fail to educate yourself.

Women don’t have to be in a relationship and put up with verbal and physical abuse that eventually leads to a dead end street which is death. The time has come for you speak out, and seek help when and if necessary. It is a pattern of physically, sexually, and emotionally abusive behavior that is being used by someone to maintain power over or control over a partner.

Many times we believe that men are the ones that are always involved, and to be blamed, for domestic violence. But some of our women also engage in abuse. They verbally and physically abuse their children and sometimes their husbands. We need to re-examine our marriage vows, as well as, our roles in marital situations.

As a religious and humanitarian worker, I had visited several homes in our country offering prayers, counsel, and help to the poor and unfortunate people. I found that many mothers, sisters, and daughters, cannot read or write, because they never took the time or had the opportunity to educate themselves.

It’s difficult to reach out to “illiterate” families because in most cases these people see you as a threat. They will believe that your intervention would hurt their self-esteem. For domestic violence to stop, people will have to make massive transformations that are guided by moral and social education, and the provision of economic opportunities.
Battered Women
The “battered” women syndrome has come to the forefront in the past few decades. This problem was partly highlighted by the women’s movement of the 1960s, the influx of educational information through television and computers, and the greater willingness by the authorities to intervene into domestic violence situations.

Many battered women do not report their abuse because of psychological and sociological pressures. Psychologically, a battered woman may start to believe that she is not worthy or capable of being on her own. After enduring emotional and psychological abuse, a battered woman may begin to think that she is incapable of making good judgments and that she cannot survive without the presence of her abuser.

Many battered women are conditioned to believe that their abuser is more powerful than any law agency. The fear of their abusers may keep them from reporting the crimes against them. A battered woman may fear the anger of her abuser towards her or her children. Battered women may also fear leaving their abusive partners for fear of not being able to adequately provide for their children.

There are many myths attached to the subject of battered women. Many individuals believe that battered women are small in stature, poverty stricken, uneducated, mentally impaired, or deeply religious. This is not true. Battered women come from all walks of life and from all economic backgrounds. Domestic violence crosses all races, religious, ethnic, and educational levels. Research indicates that about 50 percent of all women will be victims of some form of domestic violence at some time in their lives.

Battered women may be subject to other forms of abuse besides physical abuse such as economic and financial abuse, as well as, sexual abuse by their partners.

Most wives that are abused by their husbands are afraid to admit it or look the other way as a means to discount its significance. Being abused by a husband is something most wives will not talk about it until it’s too late. Abused wives tend to make excuses for their husbands’ abusive conduct. Abusive husbands intimidate their wives to the point of denial. Women that are abused have a tendency to overlook their own self worth. After a period of time, women tend to accept being abused as something that is normal. Some ideas on how to deal with abusive husbands as follows:

Tips on how to deal with an abusive husband

* Take responsibility in accepting the fact that you are being abused.

* If possible, communicate with your husband that his abuse makes you uneasy and you would like the two of you to seek help from family members or counseling together.

* Being abused by your husband is not an option. It is a “sickness” that can be prevented if you take it in hand. Seek help from your ministry, hospital, support centers, family, friends and employment.

* Being abused is not a normal part of your life. It creates a threatening atmosphere for you and your children.

* If you are planning on leaving your abused husband, make notations of times, days, and how you were abused.

* Take pictures of injuries that you may incur during the abusive attack(s).

* A husband who is abusive probably has a mental problem that should be addressed with the appropriate authorities.

Mental abuse is just as abusive as physical abuse. Leaving an abuser is not easy, but a peaceful mind and healthy atmosphere is important. Children exposed to this behavior are affected emotionally and physically. Abusiveness in a family may be the onset for depression in a child’s life.

You are not the one who is to blame for your husband’s abusiveness. Abusive husbands will normally say that you provoked them to act this way. Rejecting this message is the first step towards wellness and getting your life back.
PANDIT SURESH SUGRIM